51. Our Earliest Money Memories
“The reason for this question is to look at the emotions and lessons behind some of these memories”
Earlier this season, in Episode #44, Tara and Tina interviewed Carl Richards — bestselling author, speaker, and host of the Behavior Gap Radio and 50 Fires podcasts. During that conversation, Tara asked Carl what single question might be most impactful for our audience. Carl suggested:
“What is your earliest memory of money?”
It is a question often used by financial advisors to help uncover how early experiences may have shaped someone’s views about money. Carl described it as a simple but powerful way to begin meaningful conversations about money — without stress or conflict.
And honestly, it’s also just interesting. Even a little fun.
This seemingly simple question can be a gateway to learning more about yourself — or about someone you love. What surprised us most wasn’t just the memories themselves — but the emotions that came with them.
Tara, who works as both a financial advisor and life coach, has encountered this question many times in her work. Tina, on the other hand, had never heard it before and had never really considered it.
So they decided to explore it together — especially as siblings who grew up in the same household — and share their own earliest money memories and how those experiences may have shaped their attitudes and emotions around money.
In this short episode, they discuss:
• The emotions intertwined with early money memories — and the lasting impact those emotions can have
• The tension between joy and abundance on one hand, and responsibility and respect on the other
• How money can become a source of marital tension — and the roles we often bring into relationships such as “spender” or “saver”
• The realization that many of our assumptions and beliefs about money are deeply buried and internalized
• The social norms around money — and how those norms vary across families and cultures
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Christina Donovan: Welcome to Messy Middle Essence.
This is a podcast where we talk honestly about the changes, change, challenges, connections, and gifts that come with midlife.
Nothing too polished, just real conversations that remind us we're not alone.
So let's dive in.
Tara Bansal: Welcome. This is Tara Conti Bantle, and I am here with my sister, Christina Conti Donovan on Messy Middle Lessons.
Today's just the two of us, and we are, I feel like kind of taking the challenge that Carl Richards gave us back in episode number 44 of Talking about our earliest memory of money.
This is.
This is definitely more my jam and something I'm interested in than Tina, and I'm kind of forcing her to.
To come with me and talk about this.
So.
And full disclosure,
I thought about this and done this exercise multiple times over my career. And so I don't think people have thought about this as much as I have. So I get that I am a little bit unusual,
but you have to understand,
because of being a financial planner and because of my interest in people and the emotions around money,
this is just something that I enjoy and am more passionate about my husband.
Christina Donovan: Do you always use the same memory when you do this exercise?
Tara Bansal: Well, so that's part of the story is the memory I always did was a negative one from fifth grade.
And today,
the one that just in the past year,
I was redoing this exercise.
And I think the emphasis with Carl was your earliest memory of money.
And before,
when I had done it was just like,
almost. Almost like a memory that had a lot of emotion around it or significance. Yeah.
And so the bigger emotion was a negative emotion when I was older.
But that's what's been interesting to me, is when I went back and thought about my earliest memory of money,
it's actually a positive memory.
And so I've done it.
You know, both.
Go ahead.
Christina Donovan: I hope you'll tell us both.
I guess I'm really curious to hear Tara's. Because we grew up in the same household and.
Yeah, I think. I think it's really interesting to do with family members, although I do think it's just generally an interesting question. It's something that never would have occurred to me to ask somebody or to even think about.
Um,
so do you want to start with your earliest memory?
Tara Bansal: T.
I will start with my.
My earliest memory of money that just like I said a year ago, what came up,
it was when I was in second grade, and it was after I had made my first communion,
and as part of that, I received so many cards with money from primarily family members And I vividly remember sitting on my bed in our house, Tina in Summit,
and having all of this money from the cards and just being like,
it felt abundant. It felt like it blew my mind. And I remember, like, counting the money multiple times,
and it was more than $50.
And it was just like this awe of, I can't believe I have this much money that I can choose how to spend it. And it's just that feeling of, like, possibility that I remember,
and kind of joy. Like, it was a really positive thing that I remember,
but that was, like, the first time I felt like I had money that was mine,
that had been given to me.
And this just like, joyous excitement around
Christina Donovan: the money and almost an empowerment, you know?
Tara Bansal: So that's my earliest memory of money.
And,
and it's interesting for me because,
like, with my kids,
I, I, I feel like there's this tension of I want my kids to be responsible with money and I want them not to waste it.
And yet I also don't want it to be a source of, like,
stress too. So I want them to have, like, an abundant mentality,
yet not.
Not take it for granted either.
So. But there's a tension there of, like, how can you do that and be able to do, like, I don't want them to feel entitled, but yet I still want them to feel like they have choices.
Christina Donovan: Do you feel like either of your children have had an experience like you did in second grade?
Tara Bansal: Hmm.
I don't know. That's a really great question.
I mean,
I feel like my boys are, you know, used to kind of getting what they want,
and so. And yet I. Well,
I. You may feel like they're spoiled, but I don't think.
Christina Donovan: I don't feel like.
Tara Bansal: But, but yet there's, like,
Christina Donovan: I do
Tara Bansal: feel like they're responsible with money,
but I've said this before. They're so funny that they will ask for things, and then I'll be like, well, you can pay for that. And then they'll be like, no, then I don't really want it.
Christina Donovan: You know, Which I think is a really good lesson, actually, because it makes them think about how much they really want something.
Tara Bansal: Yeah.
Christina Donovan: You know? Yeah.
Tara Bansal: It's interesting.
Christina Donovan: I mean, I really struggled with this question. Question. And I think some of it is the earliest memory, the idea of it being the earliest.
Tara Bansal: And
Christina Donovan: I don't know, I'm curious how quickly some people come up with this and how maybe others really struggle with it,
because I definitely struggled with it.
And I'm not even sure in the scheme of things, that this is my earliest memory of money. But for me, I guess it's a combination of earliest memory with any significance.
So it's sort of what we were talking about earlier to give a little bit of background. I guess we growing up did not have either set of grandparents around us.
Both of our grandparents lived a little bit far away,
and I.
We used to correspond with our grandparents through letters and cards. I mean, they were really good about birthdays. And I know that my father's parents would write letters to us and they would always include a dollar bill in all of their correspondence.
Tara Bansal: And
Christina Donovan: I'm sure it just wasn't for me. I'm sure, like everybody in our family,
all of my siblings got it. And in the early 70s,
I mean, a dollar was a pretty good sum for a young child. You know, I mean, it could actually buy some things.
And my memory is not actually received receiving the dollars, which, I mean, I must have.
There must be a memory of that. But my earliest memory involves when I wanted to mail something back to them. And I don't remember how old I was, but I don't think I was writing.
I think I had mail drawn a picture or colored a picture.
And I wanted our parents to send it to my father's parents.
And I wanted to include a dollar in the envelope with them.
Tara Bansal: Yeah.
Christina Donovan: And I don't remember how my parents explained that it's not appropriate for me to send a dollar,
but I distinctly remember being confused and then a little bit disappointed like that. You want to do that?
Tara Bansal: Oh, that. Yeah.
Christina Donovan: I couldn't make them feel excited about a dollar, you know,
so. Yeah, that's.
That's sort of my earliest memory. And I mean, there's.
I don't know, I guess there's a lot of things wrapped up in that. Realizing that there were so social norms around money. I think that was the first time I really saw that.
And that money can be used both appropriately and inappropriately.
And then I guess just realizing too, that,
you know, in my four year, I don't know how old I was, I believe that a dollar was not that much money.
You know, that in the scheme of things,
a dollar to me felt as so much. But it was this realization that it put it in perspective that a dollar probably is not that much money.
Tara Bansal: Well, but to me, to me, what's interesting is that you wanted to give back and be generous and like share that positive emotion receiving.
Christina Donovan: Right. And it. Yeah, yeah.
Tara Bansal: And. And I. I'm sure. Well, my assumption is that our parents Were like, that was a gift for you. And. Yeah.
Christina Donovan: I can't remember what they said. And I don't think they said like, oh, you just can't send. You know, I don't. I think that they were very.
Tara Bansal: But I think they were being you like that. That.
Christina Donovan: But I do remember being very at first confused and then disappointed. Those are the two things that you remember? Like the emotions that I remember. Yeah.
So tell us about. Oh, go ahead.
Tara Bansal: Well, I was just gonna say. And I, I.
To your point,
there are so many social norms around money. I feel like that you're not supposed to talk about it. There is.
Christina Donovan: Even with tipping and I don't know. Yeah. What's the.
Tara Bansal: And even that varies by culture. Right. When we went over to Spain, they were like, do not tip like you do in America. Then you're. It's almost.
Christina Donovan: You're insulting.
Tara Bansal: Yeah. Them. And, and. And coming across as this ignorant tourist by doing that. Um. So.
Christina Donovan: Yeah.
Tara Bansal: So I hesitate to tell this story because I.
It is like. I guess I worry about how this will come across, but.
So in fifth grade,
I lost my lunch money for the week and we had just moved to Hudson, Ohio,
and I think it was a $5 bill that I lost.
And in an unusual way,
our mom. My mom got. Was really upset with me, and that was a big deal.
And I just.
I just remember all the negative emotion of mom being so upset. And then I like just cried and cried and cried. I remember that whole week I kept searching for it and like asking people and.
And I don't know what I remember. And this may not be true, but what I remember was the feeling of being irrespons with the money.
And I don't know if my mom used those words or if that's just what I interpreted from her being so upset,
but that I was irresponsible. And the other lesson for me was how much big emotion there was that I.
I can't even say it without getting teary. But I never wanted anyone to feel like money was more important than the person.
And so.
And I know that wasn't my mom's intention at all,
but was just one of those big emotion memories with money.
And so I hesitated to bring that up because I don't want my mom
Christina Donovan: feeling that.
Tara Bansal: I do think it does.
Christina Donovan: For those of us that are parents,
you realize sometimes that things that you say can really have an impact. And it may not. It may be something that you don't even think.
You say it once and it's gone. It's out of your head and.
And you realize how important sometimes words can be and sometimes how careless we are with.
With them.
Tara Bansal: So for me, those were the two lessons was I wanted to be responsible with money and to, like, the joy
Christina Donovan: that money can bring.
Tara Bansal: Yeah.
But also the importance of people over money.
And I feel like even your story and my story was people being generous and trying to give to those we love.
Do you have any other memories?
Like that's not your earliest, but that you remember even? Yeah, it's funny.
Christina Donovan: I mean, it is a serious, super interesting question.
I mean, I would imagine there must have been a point where I wanted something and I was told it was too expensive.
I'm guessing that that was probably like the next earliest memory, but I don't specifically have a memory of that.
Tara Bansal: The one other memory I have is our father would give cash for, like, food for the week to my mom. And this was. You know, credit cards were not used as often back then.
And I remember one of us had. Or several of us had birthday parties for coming up and.
And mom being, like,
making this all work. Cause she always used her food money to buy the birthday gifts for when we went to those parties.
And that stressed her out. And I just remember.
I remember that. That may not be totally true,
but that's one of my other. Of just how careful and the need to make the money stretch. And I feel like our parents did that with. Without usually stressing us out.
I didn't feel.
Do you agree with that? Yeah, I mean,
I do think it's
Christina Donovan: funny in thinking of it now,
I have a lot of memories of our mother with our food budget,
you know,
coming home and being like, I bought this because it was on sale, or I had a coupon or allowing the budget to.
It could accommodate it because of these specials or, you know, like it was something different.
So, yeah, I.
You know, I think that definitely is part of my early memories, you know, of our mother making a food budget stretch. And then the surprises that sometimes came with that because of a double coupon or which are things that have kind of disappeared a little bit.
You know,
I mean, there's still coupons, but it's not the same as the way I think it used to be. And particularly the 70s and 80s.
Tara Bansal: No, I agree. Do you feel like money is a source of stress between you and Matt?
Christina Donovan: No,
I suppose there are times where it must have been or will be, but generally we have kind of the same outlook on money, I think.
And I mean, his household was a lot different than Ours. And I do think that does shape a lot of your perspective and outlook.
But, yeah, I mean,
I feel that we're very fortunate in that respect.
Neither of us have felt in our lives the. That we needed much more money. That we've been content,
I guess, with what we've been able to make.
Tara Bansal: And
Christina Donovan: I think that helps, you know. Yeah.
Tara Bansal: In a way that's a privilege, you know, like.
Christina Donovan: Yes, it's a big privilege. Yes. And I think we're grateful for that. Yeah.
Tara Bansal: But I also, I think I can speak.
You know, money is often a source of marital tension, even with people who do have money because of different values and how they want to spend it,
even,
you know, or.
But that's a.
I don't remember money being a source of tension between our parents and maybe it was and we just never saw it.
But I don't feel like we really saw that growing up.
Christina Donovan: Do you and Nimit.
Tara Bansal: No,
we don't.
And I kind of, I feel like,
values wise,
we are aligned. And I wouldn't say either of us are. Like,
usually in a couple there's one saver and one spender and that can be.
But I feel like both of us are pretty content and maybe that's because we have as much as we do,
but I don't feel like we argue or stress about money compared to most other couples. Yeah. Yeah.
So we're lucky in that way.
Christina Donovan: Yeah. Yeah.
Tara Bansal: Well, this hopefully was. May have been entertaining.
Christina Donovan: Well, hopefully it gets people to think about their earliest memory.
Tara Bansal: I, I do think it's, it's, it's an interesting exercise.
Christina Donovan: It really is. And it makes you think about your childhood from maybe a different perspective.
Tara Bansal: And I do think so.
So many of our beliefs and assumptions around money are very deep. Like it's hard to vocalize and even recognize them. And that's part of the reason for this question is like to look at the emotions and, or the lessons behind some of those memories that have been internalized for you to look at it.
So there's two ways. One, the earliest memory of money, and then the other is just a memory of money that had a lot of.
Christina Donovan: Has made an impact. Yeah.
Tara Bansal: So you could do both or one or the other. And.
Christina Donovan: Yeah.
And I do think it's a fun thing to ask your siblings and.
Or your partner. You know, I think you do learn something in hearing and hearing these stories.
Tara Bansal: And for anyone who's willing to share, we would love to hear them. So. But thank you so much. We hope you have a great day.
Christina Donovan: This is Tina as you might have guessed, our connection challenge today involves talking to someone about their earliest memory of money.
We thought it was fun to do as siblings,
but you do not have to do it with a sibling. You could do it with a partner or even another family member, such as a parent or a cousin or even just a close friend.
It's a way to get to know somebody,
maybe on a different level and as we found, it can be fun.
So again, our connection challenge this week is to talk to someone about their earliest money memory and maybe share your own as well. Thank you.
Tara Bansal: We're so glad and appreciative that you spent this time with us here on Messy Middlescence.
Midlife can be messy, but these conversations remind us that we're not alone.
If you liked this episode, please share it with a friend. Subscribe or leave a review.
We'll be back soon with more. Wis
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Episode #44 with Carl Richards
Carl Richards’ New Book: Your Money: Reimagining Wealth in 101 Simple Sketches
Behavior Gap Radio – Carl’s daily podcast
50 Fires Audio Project — podcast with conversations on creativity, meaning, and freedom
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Our connection challenge today is to ask someone about their earliest memory of money.
We thought it was fun to do as siblings, but you do not have to do it with a sibling. You could do it with a partner or even another family member, such as a parent or a cousin or even just a close friend. It's a way to get to know somebody, maybe on a different level and as we found, it can be fun.