38. Legacy, Luck, and Learning to Do Hard Things with Tim Conti
“The hardest part of middle age is physical. I just can’t do the things I did ten years ago.”
Last holiday season, Tara and Tina found themselves laughing over an ad for one of those quirky “Family Questions” games. One sample question stood out: “Who in your family would you ask for help if you needed to bury a body?” Without hesitation - and independently - we both came up with the same answer – our younger brother, Tim.
This may sound like an odd way to introduce Tim and our discussion with him --but it perfectly captures Tim’s unique personality and skill set. He’s the sibling you call in a pinch - resourceful, unflappable, and endlessly loyal.
Tim is the 5th of our 7 siblings (and coincidentally the 5th sibling to be interviewed on Messy Middlescence) and he very recently turned 51. Tim is a problem solver, a people person of the highest order, a hilarious storyteller, goal-oriented, and, yes, famously stubborn. In our family he is known for saying “I know a guy…” or “I have a buddy…” always leading into either a wild story or an impressive display of his vast network of friends and colleagues.
We are excited to talk with Tim about his middlescence journey and to give our Messy Middlescence audience the opportunity to get to know him. Some of the topics we delve into with Tim include the following:
Tim’s circuitous journey to a rewarding and successful career;
The important skills he learned in his non-career jobs which ultimately set him up for success in his career;
A lively debate on the importance of luck/chance in any career;
His desire to volunteer and devote more time to his many interests when he retires;
The key lessons he has learned thus far which made a huge impact on his life including the need to prioritize what is important and learning how to do the hard things we would rather avoid;
Pride in his family and their beautiful, messy “differences”.
How middle age has shifted his goals to be more about his children and retirement
The difficulties of the physical changes that occur in middle age; he simply can’t athletically do what he did 10 years ago;
His thoughts on retirement; how he will likely not stop working completely but transition to a less stressful job;
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[00:22] Tara Bansal: Hi, this is Tara Conti Bansal, and I want to welcome you to season two of our podcast, Messy Middlescence.
[00:30] My sister Christina Conti Donovan and I are in the thick of midlife and trying to help ourselves and others to learn about and hopefully thrive in this unique phase of life.
[00:42] Like adolescence, mid is a time of tremendous change,
[00:47] touching almost every aspects of our lives.
[00:50] There are the physical and hormonal changes,
[00:53] but also many of the rhythms, relationships, and frameworks that have dominated our lives for decades all start to shift in various ways.
[01:02] Tina and I are figuring this out as we go, and we hope you will join us as we dive into and discuss topics and ideas that will help all of us grow and understand this special midlife phase and how to live it better,
[01:17] more meaningfully and joyfully, one day at a time.
[01:22] Tara Bansal: Hello,
[01:23] this is Tara Conti Bansal, and I'm here with Christina Conti Donovan. We are very excited to have our brother Tim here with us today on Messy Middle Lessons.
[01:35] So we only have a couple more family members still to interview,
[01:41] and Tim was gracious enough to make the time to come and talk with us today.
[01:47] Thank you for doing this, Tim. We are really happy and excited to have you here.
[01:52] We always start with the same question. So if you've listened to our podcast, you know,
[01:58] what would you like people to know about you? Or what is your story? And you can start.
[02:03] Start from the beginning. Anything that you want to share?
[02:06] Tim Conti: Yeah, no, I guess I want to start by saying thanks for inviting me to do this. This is neat. I'm looking forward to it, so we'll see how it goes.
[02:16] My story, I, as I tell people I was. I was born in New Jersey. I. I lived there until I was 6, and then we moved to outside Cleveland and Ohio.
[02:25] And I was. We were there for four years and then we moved to Pittsburgh,
[02:30] I think. And when I was in fifth grade and then I was in Pittsburgh until I graduated college. So from fifth grade to through college, I was in Pittsburgh, which, you know, I thought.
[02:42] It's funny, I tell people,
[02:44] you know, I grew up in Pittsburgh, I'm from Pittsburgh, but since 96, I've been in Atlanta. And a lot of times when I tell people that and then I think about it, it's like I've actually been in Atlanta longer than anywhere else in my life.
[02:58] And it's.
[02:59] It's funny because I don't feel like I'm from the south or, you know, but it is. It's a. It's a truth that I'm now down here. And anyway, yeah, I kind of, when I,
[03:11] I came down here for the Olympics,
[03:14] our father had a job for me.
[03:17] When I graduated college, I didn't have necessarily knew what I wanted to do. I thought I was going to go back to,
[03:23] to grad school or,
[03:25] you know, go into graphic design or, you know, art school or something like that. And dad said you can come down and look at the Olympics. So that's kind of what I did.
[03:33] And then it just, you know,
[03:35] I never,
[03:36] I never went back. I ended up getting a job after the Olympics with a hockey parent that dad had coached and then met my wife, Mary Carolyn. And then kind of the rest is kind of history from there.
[03:51] Tara Bansal: So tell us the history. You met Mary Carolyn, you guys got married. What kind of jobs have you had? Your kids and their ages?
[03:59] Tim Conti: Yeah, so I,
[04:01] yeah, so I ended up,
[04:03] you know,
[04:04] I ended up working with that job. The company was, was a retail company and I, I worked,
[04:12] I worked in the, I worked at first I worked on the sales floor and I started there for, for a while and didn't really like it and they kind of knew it, but they knew,
[04:21] you know, they kind of got to know me and, and so they ended up moving me to the office.
[04:26] And I was kind of just doing administrative stuff in the office and with,
[04:31] you know, we sold furniture. We sold outdoor furniture, high end outdoor furniture. And so, you know, you get phone calls for problems and, and issues and, and kind of that thing.
[04:41] And they didn't have anyone to take those calls. And as the company grew and they were selling all this furniture,
[04:49] you had more and more issues. So I kind of just fell into the role of taking care of all these calls. And at some point they installed me kind of as to run the customer service department.
[05:01] And you know, and, and, and I did that.
[05:05] Then I ended up meeting Mary Carolyn. I think I'd been there for three years, four years. And I met Mary Carolyn because my roommate Nick Ebhart was dating her roommate,
[05:19] which was more Terry. And then, you know, we kind of, the four of us would go out a lot and then kind of Mary Carol and I just kind of hit it off and started dating.
[05:28] And then we got married. And once we got married,
[05:32] I ended up going into real estate. I had my real estate license because her mom was a real estate agent. And I'd always kind of planned for Mary Carolyn to be a real estate agent.
[05:41] And Mary Carolyn, I guess at some point decided,
[05:44] I don't want to do this, but Tim would probably be good at It.
[05:48] So that's kind of how I ended up getting into real estate. So I was doing that full time then I guess we had Carrie. And so we have three kids.
[05:57] Carrie, Liz and Ben.
[05:59] Yeah. So it was real estate. I was in real estate till about 2009 or 2010 and was doing well until the real estate market collapsed.
[06:09] And right around that time,
[06:12] the retail company, which was Georgia Backyard at the time,
[06:17] had contacted me about managing one of their stores.
[06:22] And I just.
[06:24] It was.
[06:25] We had small kids and real estate was great, but real estate was hard because you didn't have a set income. You know, you got three clothings, one month, but then you could go three months without any closing.
[06:36] So with. With the family and. And growing family and expenses, it was. It was very difficult. And at that time, I was.
[06:44] Even when I was doing real estate,
[06:47] I was still delivering furniture when they needed it, because I was kind of just like, you know, they would call me and say, hey, you know, are you available today?
[06:55] We need. We need some help with deliveries. And so I was driving a truck doing deliveries on Dave, but I didn't have anything for real estate. And.
[07:03] And even at night, I was helping a friend of mine valet park cars down at a restaurant in.
[07:09] In Buckhead.
[07:10] So I was kind of just juggling all these jobs to kind of stay afloat. Then, you know, I ended up, Georgia Backyard offered me to. To manage a store.
[07:20] And that seemed like a little bit an interesting opportunity and just something different. So I ended up doing that and still having my real estate license. So I did that was kind of juggling real estate and.
[07:34] And managing the store. And then I met the owner of my current company.
[07:38] I sold him furniture. And I did such a good job that he, at the end of the transaction was like,
[07:44] you know, are you happy here? And I was like, oh, gosh. Oh, no. I don't know. What do you got? And he's. Own this company and we work in the movie and TV industry.
[07:52] And.
[07:53] And then. Yeah, that was kind of,
[07:56] you know,
[07:57] kind of how it worked out. And so now I've been here. I mean, in August, it'll be 15 years that I've been at Lightning Production Rentals.
[08:03] Tara Bansal: Yeah.
[08:04] So,
[08:05] I mean, Tim, I think of you as a problem solver,
[08:12] like, even when you, you know, first started and they put you in customer service. But that I feel like that's what you were doing. Do you agree with that? That you're just like.
[08:21] Or maybe I should just ask, what do you think you're really good at?
[08:27] Tim Conti: Yeah, I think I'm good at. Yeah, problem solving, for sure. I like the challenges. It's funny because sometimes it can be very stressful and you think, man, I just wish everything would go like it's supposed to.
[08:38] But as everybody knows, in your job and in your life,
[08:42] that's not how it works. Right. So trying to figure out ways to overcome obstacles or problems is something that I do well with, I think. Also just,
[08:53] I think I'm, I'm good at talking to people and relating to people. And I think that, you know, my job now is, is very much.
[09:01] It's,
[09:02] it's, it's relationship based. Right. So there's multiple vendors with, who basically have all the same equipment.
[09:10] They, they rent from people who they like and who they feel like are going to take care of them. And I think if you talk to my customers that, you know, I think that's what they would say about me.
[09:22] And I think that, you know, I, I go back to when I worked on the sales floor.
[09:30] I hated it,
[09:31] but it, it taught me so much that I didn't even know that, like,
[09:37] then later on in life, now I realize what a skill that was.
[09:43] And the same thing with,
[09:45] yeah, with customer service. It was the same thing. It was learning to talk. Those people would call and they would be mad and they would be yelling at you, and it would be kind of talking to them and helping them out.
[09:56] And it was,
[09:58] you know,
[09:59] when you have success doing that, that's. It makes it feel good. Right. Like it's,
[10:03] it's something that's rewarding and.
[10:06] Yeah. So I,
[10:07] I don't know if that answered your question or. But it was. Yeah, I think that's definitely one of the things that, you know.
[10:13] Tara Bansal: That's great. You did answer the question. What? Are you okay giving your age?
[10:22] Tim Conti: Yeah, I turned 51 last week.
[10:25] Christina Donovan: Yep.
[10:27] Tara Bansal: What now being over 50 person, what's important to you right now? Like, what would you say is what you care about the most, the things.
[10:40] Christina Donovan: You think about right now? Yeah.
[10:43] Tim Conti: It'S funny because, like, I don't think of myself as 51. And it's like I have a hard time when I do think about it. Like, man, I'm 51.
[10:54] Tara Bansal: How old do you think of what?
[10:57] Tim Conti: I don't know. I mean,
[10:59] I don't know. Like, I, I,
[11:01] it's.
[11:02] I relate a lot of, like, age and stuff to,
[11:05] to playing ice hockey,
[11:07] which seems silly, but it's like I've been playing ice hockey now for,
[11:12] you know, and after college and everything for 25 years, recreationally. And it's like 25 years ago, I was the youngest guy in the league,
[11:21] you know, and now it's like I'm the old guy on the team, you know, and it's like I have all these friends and teammates that are just getting married and just having kids, and it's like, you know, it's just our.
[11:32] And it's just. It's funny how roles reverse.
[11:35] So it's, you know, But I don't know. That's a tough question. I don't. I don't know if I can answer how I, how old. I feel like that's fine.
[11:48] Tara Bansal: I just wondered if you did.
[11:51] Tim Conti: Yeah. No, I mean it. But so to, to answer your, Your initial question. Yeah. I mean, right now it's, it's, it's all about family and kids and, you know, I think when I was going through these jobs and trying to find a career and trying to make a living, that was what was concerning.
[12:09] And then now it's like, I'm obviously a lot more established in my career. So now it's obviously getting our kids,
[12:19] you know, grown up and, and getting them on with their lives. And, you know, car's in college. Liz is about to start college. Ben is in high school and about to get his driver's license and just kind of, you know,
[12:33] you know, back when you're working on your career, making a living, like, that was stressful, and then that's kind of gone away now. And now it's like you have a new kind of concern or stress, and that's obviously your kids and, you know,
[12:46] taking care of them and getting them grown up and, you know, know, becoming adults and contributing to society, I guess.
[12:54] Tara Bansal: Yeah, I agree. Are there any changes you're contemplating?
[13:00] Tim Conti: No, I. It's funny. I'm.
[13:03] I'm so stubborn and I don't like change at all.
[13:07] I, at this point, I'm like,
[13:10] I find myself trying to, like,
[13:12] count the years to retirement.
[13:16] And like, I'm like. I had a friend that retired. He retired early, but it's like, I'm so jealous. Like,
[13:22] I'm, I'm ready. I'm ready to retire.
[13:24] Tara Bansal: Yeah.
[13:25] Tim Conti: I have such a long time to go, though.
[13:28] Tara Bansal: Well, I was gonna ask, like, what time frame are you even thinking about for your retirement?
[13:34] Tim Conti: I mean, if I could do 10 years, that would be amazing. I don't know if that's possible.
[13:40] Tara Bansal: Yeah.
[13:41] Tim Conti: Yeah. You know, and, and, but it may be. It may be more of a scaling down,
[13:46] not having, you know, a, A responsible job, like I have now and just having, you know,
[13:52] kind of a watered down job that I'd still work but not have all the stress and hours that I put in.
[13:58] So, you know, in terms of a timeline, I mean, I know Ben still in high school, he's got to get through college. So I know it's, you know, so I kind of say 10 years would be a goal.
[14:07] But,
[14:08] you know, I realize that that may be wishful thinking.
[14:12] Tara Bansal: Yeah, no, that's, that's helpful. Just wondered what you were thinking.
[14:18] Christina Donovan: I mean, Jim, I think of you as somebody that has a lot of interests. Do you want to talk about some of the things? I mean, sports is obviously one, but I know you love cars, you're artistic.
[14:30] I know you like history.
[14:31] Like, do you want to spend a few minutes maybe talking about the things that interest you outside of work and family?
[14:40] Tim Conti: Yeah, I mean, you know, obviously I'm a huge sports fan.
[14:45] I play hockey, but I, I basically follow all the major sports.
[14:50] The thing about five years ago that I started golfing, which is a whole new world of addiction and time consuming for me.
[15:00] And it's, it's funny because it's like golf is, I, I, I,
[15:05] I'm a pretty athletic guy and I've always been,
[15:08] I've always been pretty successful at whatever sport I wanted to do. And it's like, I'm terrible at golf. And it just, is, just bothers me so bad that I can't, it's something I can't at this point figure out.
[15:20] I've gotten better. But it's like, it's a, it's a challenge to me. Again, it's like, it's another challenge that it's like, I'm gonna figure this out. That's, that's like,
[15:28] that's kind of how my mindset is on it.
[15:30] But yes, I love cars.
[15:33] You know, I love real estate. I love architecture.
[15:37] Obviously history is a big thing and,
[15:40] you know, going back to like, kind of making a full circle, we're talking about and like, and that is something where,
[15:46] like, relationships and talking to people and you kind of, if you find common ground, it's, it's something that you kind of connect on. Right. So I think, Tina, you're right.
[15:56] I probably do have a lot of interests that ultimately probably helps me with, you know,
[16:02] talking to people of all different backgrounds and stuff, so.
[16:06] Tara Bansal: Because you can find something of your interest to connect with them in order to, and be able to talk about it and yeah, that's, yeah, and, and.
[16:14] Tim Conti: That'S the same thing. Like,
[16:16] when, when, when, when. When I worked on the sales floor, that was like the thing, you know, you try to make a connection with somebody, right? Oh, you're from Pittsburgh.
[16:23] Oh, I'm from Pittsburgh. You know what I mean? Like, it's.
[16:25] It's something that you kind of break this on a sales floor. Those people don't want to talk to you, right? Like, that's the thing. They want nothing to do with you.
[16:32] So when you kind of are able to find common ground,
[16:35] then it's like it opens up a door, and then all of a sudden they kind of trust you. And then it's like, you know, it's. And that's the same thing in the industry I work with now, right?
[16:43] I mean,
[16:43] a lot of my customers are up north. They're hockey fans.
[16:46] They're, you know, and it's things that we can connect off of and,
[16:51] you know, and it's not showing. You're talking to them. It's not always about work.
[16:55] Right. You're, you know, and I go up with a lot of my customers now, and it's, you know, it's kind of just getting on a personal level with them, and it.
[17:02] It seems to be something that's been successful, but it's, you know, and it's. It's interesting because I never really thought about any of that until you guys kind of brought it up.
[17:11] And I'm talking, so that's,
[17:13] That's. That's fun to hear.
[17:14] Christina Donovan: Do you consider yourself an. An extrovert?
[17:21] Tim Conti: I'm trying to think what Mary Carolyn would say about this, because I.
[17:24] I feel like. She says I'm like a hybrid. Like, I'm. I'm weird because in certain situations and scenarios, I am an extrovert.
[17:33] But I feel like I am kind of an introvert,
[17:38] you know, at heart.
[17:40] And I feel like sometimes, because Matt Thalen is very much an introvert,
[17:45] and I don't think that's any shocking news. I think she says that I feel like sometimes I become more of an extrovert by default because, like, one of us has to be, you know, the alcohol.
[17:55] You know what I mean? Or have to talk to someone or do something, and it's like I end up taking that role.
[18:02] So I. I think that would be. Yeah,
[18:05] I'm kind of like in between. I'm in the social situation that, like,
[18:10] that. It, I guess works, then I can be very much extroverted. But a lot of times I'm very much,
[18:17] totally fine sitting at home, not going anywhere, and, you know, and. And Mary Carol's the same way. So a lot of times it's just, you know, we just kind of hang out together and be introverted together and totally happy with that.
[18:32] Tara Bansal: Yeah. So that's my question. How do you get energy?
[18:36] Like, do you get energy by yourself or do you get energy with people?
[18:43] Or is it. You need some of both?
[18:46] Tim Conti: I think I need some of both. I feel like a lot of times I get energy and motivation,
[18:52] you know, just with,
[18:54] I guess, things that I decide that I want to do or challenges that I want to do, and then it's, you know, when I'm. When I.
[19:01] The one thing I would say about myself is when I kind of set my mind to something, I'm going to do it.
[19:07] But I also. I also do get motivation and that sort of thing in with other people and kind of, you know,
[19:16] outside the home.
[19:18] So it. I would say it's probably a little bit of both.
[19:21] Tara Bansal: Tina, is Matt an extrovert or an introvert?
[19:24] Christina Donovan: He's an extrovert.
[19:26] Tara Bansal: Okay. I just wondered.
[19:30] Tim Conti: I would get that.
[19:31] Christina Donovan: Everybody, I think, though, has certain.
[19:33] Everybody has a little bit of both. I think it does come back to, like, where you get your energy from.
[19:39] Where you get your energy from.
[19:42] So. Yeah, I mean, one of the things. Tim, your family is so artistic,
[19:47] and I was surprised when you said earlier that you had considered graphic art as a possible career.
[19:56] I mean, I know you are very artistic. I think of the seven of us, you're the only one with really any drawing skill,
[20:03] or I guess I shouldn't speak for all the siblings. I know I don't have any.
[20:09] Tara Bansal: So.
[20:12] Christina Donovan: I guess. Is that something.
[20:13] Tim Conti: I think you're right.
[20:15] Christina Donovan: Oh, in terms of the drawing and artistic. Yeah.
[20:21] Tim Conti: Yeah. I mean, and that was just that. That is, you know, and I think every now and then,
[20:27] I think there were things that, like,
[20:29] I think there were a couple projects that Carrie had to do or Liz had to do, and. And I helped draw stuff, and it was like, oh, hey, that's not a bad drawer.
[20:39] Like, you know, but it's not something I do a lot anymore. But. But I.
[20:43] But. But, Tina, you're right. Growing up, I did. I did draw a lot. And.
[20:47] Christina Donovan: Yeah.
[20:48] Tim Conti: You know, I think when I kind of got out of.
[20:51] When I graduated college, and it was like, all right, what am I going to do? I was good with computers and,
[20:57] you know, the classes that I had done in high school and in college in graphic design, I did really well at. So I was very comfortable with that. So I think kind of at that time when I was kind of going over my options, it was like, you know,
[21:10] all right, maybe I go to art school and skill I have.
[21:13] Christina Donovan: Yeah.
[21:14] So we were talking about your artistic skills. Is that something you think you might do when you retire or something you'll return to doing more of at some point in your life?
[21:26] Tim Conti: You know,
[21:28] maybe that's a good question. I don't know. And it's funny because I didn't really think about myself that much as artistic and drawing and stuff until you brought it up.
[21:38] And you're. I'm like, yeah, you're right. So maybe when things slow down and I have time, then, yeah, that maybe that is something that it's. It's certainly possible because it is something I enjoy,
[21:48] but I don't get to do a lot right now. I get just the way life is and time restraints and stuff. It's not something that I do get to do.
[21:56] So, you know, as things slow down and,
[21:59] you know, God willing I have more time, then, yeah, I could, I could see something. It's something that I do that I would enjoy.
[22:06] Christina Donovan: What are some of the things if you had more time that you would like, you think you would like to do or that you wish you could do now, but you don't because of time?
[22:16] Tim Conti: Gosh, I.
[22:18] I would like to do more volunteer work.
[22:21] I would like to do more work with the church.
[22:24] And those are things that I think about, like when I don't have a full time job that I'd like to do because I feel like again, and that's helping people.
[22:33] And,
[22:33] you know, I feel like those are churches always, like, our church always need volunteers, always need stuff. And I always think like, ah, you know, I wish I could do that.
[22:41] And it's like, oh,
[22:43] Ben's got travel hockey this weekend. Or, you know, there's like always something that I don't have time to do. So I, I'd like to think when,
[22:51] when I'm retired or I have more time, that that would be something that I'm gonna. That's a goal of mine to do.
[22:57] Tara Bansal: What kind of things would you like to do for the church or with the church?
[23:04] Tim Conti: Well,
[23:05] whether it's help with maintenance around the church or helping, you know, get people to pick up to take them to church, those, those are the kind of things that I see that, you know, that I see where they need people to just to help out, I guess, with, you know,
[23:20] helping other people. Right. And helping people get to church or get food or, you know,
[23:26] things like that.
[23:28] Tara Bansal: Nice what do you worry about right now? What keeps you up at night? Is there anything that you worry about?
[23:42] Tim Conti: Probably my kids and just, you know,
[23:46] and their futures and,
[23:48] you know,
[23:50] open job market's good. There's just. There's so many.
[23:54] Them coming out of college is so different than when we came out of college, you know, and I know that then.
[24:00] I know our parents are saying things about us. Right. But it's like with social media and,
[24:07] you know, AI now looming, there's just so many different kind of obstacles or, you know,
[24:14] things that they're going to have to overcome and just, you know, hoping.
[24:18] Hoping they're ready, you know, and I guess trying to help them be ready and,
[24:23] you know,
[24:24] those would be the things. Otherwise.
[24:26] Otherwise, I sleep pretty good at night for the most part.
[24:32] I mean, what advice would Mary Carolyn would do?
[24:35] I'm just. Acknowledgement.
[24:37] Mary Carolyn probably does most of the wearing for both of us. So, you know, I have that going for me.
[24:43] Yeah.
[24:44] Tara Bansal: I don't know that's a female thing or not.
[24:47] Christina Donovan: Yeah, I know.
[24:48] Tim Conti: Yeah.
[24:49] Christina Donovan: I think that's.
[24:52] What advice would you tell your younger self? I mean, you know, you just talked about how it's so different for our kids or kids of the, you know, that are in high school and college right now.
[25:05] I mean, looking back, what would you tell yourself as a high school or.
[25:10] Tara Bansal: College or wish you had known? Yeah.
[25:15] Tim Conti: It just may be a simple answer, but, like, I think,
[25:18] like, if I could tell myself and, you know, when I was in high school, like, now, like, I probably just say, like,
[25:25] don't sweat the small things and, you know, everything's gonna work out. I. I feel like when I kind of. Even when I tell my story, it's like everything just kind of worked out for me, you know, and.
[25:36] And I feel very blessed in that regards, and I feel lucky, but. And I guess that that is kind of one of the things that I worry about is that, like,
[25:44] I don't want my kids to, you know,
[25:48] look at.
[25:49] Look at me and be like, oh, that's gonna happen to me too. Because I don't feel like anyone should count on that, you know, but at the time it was concern and worry and, you know, and.
[25:59] And it's. It's like I kind of just went along and it just.
[26:04] Christina Donovan: Like I said,
[26:05] you worked hard and you seized your opportunities. I mean, Matt is a big believer of you make your own luck. I'm not saying that bad things don't happen or sometimes things don't happen that you want, but a lot of Times.
[26:18] I think people do make their own luck by hard work and initiative and kind of seizing the opportunities as they come, which, I mean, you definitely did.
[26:28] Tara Bansal: Yeah. And even that, Tim, I feel like,
[26:30] as you said,
[26:32] once you make your mind up, like, you generally accomplish it and you're driven to,
[26:39] you know,
[26:41] accomplish the things you want. And so that's not necessarily luck.
[26:46] I get what you're saying, that you just worry that it's not going to be as easy or go,
[26:51] you know,
[26:53] the same for you.
[26:54] Tim Conti: Yeah, and it's,
[26:56] it's, you know, it's like I didn't get good grades in school. I wasn't a very good student,
[27:02] you know, and so like, I try to like, tell my kids how important grades are and, and doing good in school. And it's like, you know,
[27:10] don't be like me say, like, don't and don't expect it's all going to work because it's not, it's not like you have to work for it. And, and you're right.
[27:18] I mean, I think, I think once I, I think once we had kids,
[27:22] I feel like a lot of. Any hesitation or,
[27:29] you know, kind of fear that I would have about doing something or trying, like that kind of got thrown out of the window because then all of a sudden it wasn't just about me.
[27:37] It was,
[27:38] you know,
[27:39] having to take care of and provide for family. And it kind of, it kind of helped me. I don't know. I don't say grow up, but kind of just like,
[27:49] like shake any fears I had or, you know, hesitancy I would have. It was like, you know, and that's kind of where kind of like, I have to do this, right?
[27:56] Like, this has to be done.
[27:58] I'm gonna do it.
[27:58] Tara Bansal: You know what's interesting, Tim?
[28:02] Like,
[28:04] our dad didn't do very well at school either.
[28:08] And he's been successful too. I don't know. Like, I do,
[28:13] I don't know. I do feel like we put all this pressure around grades and things, but to me, you love to learn.
[28:22] You are a reader. Like,
[28:25] you're hard working.
[28:26] I don't know. And yet we tell our kids, don't, you know,
[28:30] you need to work hard at school and try to get good grades.
[28:35] Tim Conti: Yeah, I, I, you know, I think a lot of it,
[28:39] you know, and I guess it's kind of like a lot of it. I'll talk in a bit about it. But so much of it is like prioritizing and prioritizing your time and prioritizing your effort, and you Know,
[28:50] and. And prioritizing what's important and not important. And, you know, I know when I was younger in school, I didn't do that well. And I remember our mom telling me, like, those exact words, you know, and it's like,
[29:05] now it's like I see myself, you know, talking to.
[29:09] To Ben and talking to my kids about, you know, that school is important. And it, you know, it's something that kind of prepares you for life, even though,
[29:17] like, you know, and one of things you're talking about, like,
[29:20] they're taking a math class, that it's like, I'm never going to use this. You know, they say, like, God used it all in your life. And it's like, no, but it's about the process of learning.
[29:28] It's about the process of doing something you don't want to do. Right? That's,
[29:32] you know, I mean, this for everybody, but, like, how often in the course of your day with your job is my boss say, hey, I need you to do this.
[29:38] I don't want to do that.
[29:40] You got to do it right? Like, you have to, you know, it's one of those things. And that's what I feel like that's kind of also what schoolwork is. There's a lot.
[29:46] Yeah, this is. This is not going to help me at all in. In. In. In life. And it's like, it may or may not. And yeah, you're right, it probably won't.
[29:54] But it's about, you know, it's about the process of learning how to do it. And it's, you know, and it's. It's the learning to do things you don't want to do.
[30:01] Because that's. I feel like life and jobs and stuff like that, that's. That's. That happens.
[30:09] Tara Bansal: What are you most proud of?
[30:13] Tim Conti: You know, I would say.
[30:16] I would say my family.
[30:17] I think. I think we're all,
[30:19] you know,
[30:20] we're all so different. I mean,
[30:23] we're all very much different, but we're also a lot alike. And that's the same thing with Mary Carolyn and I. Like, we are exact opposites, you know, but we get along really well.
[30:34] And,
[30:36] you know, and we do find, obviously, you have to have some common ground. But, you know, we. We do have common ground, but it's like, you know, we always,
[30:42] you know, her. Her. Her upbringing and her, like, we always talk about, like, I was an athlete and she was in drama. You know what I mean? And it's like, because we say, like, we were in the same high school, we wouldn't have been friends.
[30:53] Just like we were totally in different worlds, you know, but,
[30:57] and the theme with our kids, you know, like Harry is so different from Liz and,
[31:02] and Ben's different from all of them. And they all kind of,
[31:06] they are, they're also unique but they're, they're good people and they're caring and you know, it's,
[31:13] we're proud of them, I think is the thing. And,
[31:16] and even I think with our family, like, you know, there was seven of us, but we are all also different, you know, and we all have different characteristics in person, you know, and that's.
[31:28] Oh yeah, I would say, I would say, I'd say my family.
[31:30] Tara Bansal: That's great.
[31:32] And to me, I mean, Mary Carolyn is an only child and you're one of seven.
[31:40] Usually in the intro I say where Tim is the fifth child,
[31:46] so he's the first boy. It goes four girls and then the three boys and Tim is the oldest of the boys. So I feel like in our family a lot of times it's the girls and the boys.
[31:59] And I remember,
[32:00] I don't know if it's just like stories, but people often thought like as soon as mom and dad had a boy that they would stop having kids and it wasn't really about right.
[32:13] The children and right.
[32:16] But is middle age what you thought it would be? Did you have like preconceptions or how is it different than what you expected?
[32:25] Tim Conti: I feel like I didn't really have a lot of expectations or you know,
[32:33] for what middle age was going to be.
[32:37] It,
[32:38] you know, as you don't think about the things that you're going to be dealing with because you know, at the time, you know, you would have told me 20 years ago, hey, when you're middle aged, you're going to have,
[32:48] you know, two kids in college and a kid, it would have blown my mind. Even though they were alive at the time or, you know, like I knew it was coming.
[32:56] It's just not something I really thought about,
[32:58] you know, so.
[33:00] But it's, it's, it's been,
[33:03] it, it's,
[33:05] it's.
[33:06] I think the toughest thing about middle age is just physics. And this may sound really simple, but like just physically getting older, I can't do the things physically that I did even 10 years,
[33:17] you know, and I feel like that it's like, it's like with hockey, as much as I love to play hockey and it's just something that I enjoy and it's something that I can do and I don't even think about.
[33:28] It's just. I just go out there and just play it on. It just. It's very natural to me. It's like.
[33:33] It also has really made me feel my age because it's like I can't do things that I used to, you know, I used to play back to back nights or I'd play sometimes game.
[33:42] Like someone would need to have someone that sub for them and I would play back to back games. Like I can't do that anymore. It's like, it's impossible, you know?
[33:50] Tara Bansal: Yeah, I'm right there with you, Tim. What? How often do you play hockey now?
[33:57] Tim Conti: So now that Ben's travel hockey has ended, I'm playing,
[34:02] I'm playing a lot. I'm playing about three times a week.
[34:07] I'm on.
[34:08] I'm on four teams, which sounds crazy, but like I,
[34:13] I travel because I travel a lot. I miss a lot of games. So it's like I kind of joined all these teams to kind of like supplement,
[34:20] you know, And I'm also like, I'm also very picky about the games that I play in. Like the, My teammates kind of say like, I'm the grumpy old man because it's like if we have a game at 10:30 at night on a Tuesday, I'm like, yeah, I'm not playing in that.
[34:34] Like, forget that, like, you know, and not do it.
[34:37] So, you know, so. But yeah, so I kind of, I kind of try to pick up a lot, especially this summer because the other thing with the summer is that like the game times are better because there's no youth hockey.
[34:47] So we'll have seven o' clock games, eight o' clock games. And I'm able to make more of those if I'm in town.
[34:52] So. And then they, they started in Atlanta, they started in over 50 league.
[34:58] So I, I joined that. That was like the additional team that I joined. And it's great because, like, I'm like the youngest guy in the league. So it's like, it's funny just like, you know, you go from the old guy in the one league to like the youngest guy in the other league.
[35:12] So. Yeah, make me feel good.
[35:17] Tara Bansal: What are, what are some of your favorite things to do right now besides play hockey?
[35:23] Tim Conti: Golf would probably be, you know, the other thing. And then watching sports and you know, Ben is.
[35:31] Ben's pretty competitive,
[35:33] so, you know, he's always challenging me to basketball or, you know,
[35:39] because he thinks he's better than me and everything. So it's, you know, it's I'm in that point where I have to decide do I let him win or do I have to put him in his place.
[35:46] So. But,
[35:47] you know, and then spending time with the kids, you know, we kind of all do stuff together. Carrie and I've been going to a lot of concerts. Like, we just went to Pearl Jam a couple weeks ago and we went up to New York and saw New Order into Pets Mode.
[36:00] So Carrie and I go to a lot of concerts and,
[36:03] you know, and. And then obviously I helped coach his team this. This past season. Well, I've been helping coach Ben's. Ben's hockey teams for the last six or seven years.
[36:13] So just kind of being on the ice with him and then, you know, enjoying that has been.
[36:17] Been something. And then Liz likes to watch a lot of movies and TV shows. Like, you know, and so I think we kind of have similar tastes in that because that's the other thing.
[36:27] Mary Car and I are polar opposite on, like,
[36:30] we can never decide on a movie to watch or rarely a TV show because it's like I don't want to watch what she likes and she doesn't want to watch what I like.
[36:37] And Liz is probably more in my taste and those things.
[36:42] Tara Bansal: So you always have someone at least.
[36:45] Tim Conti: Yes. And then. And she has someone in me because, you know, a lot of. A lot of what? Like, she wants to watch. Mary Carol won't watch.
[36:53] Tara Bansal: Yeah. But Mary Carolyn, who will watch what.
[36:57] Christina Donovan: She likes to watch.
[37:01] Tim Conti: And this will watch.
[37:02] Liz and McDonald do have a lot of.
[37:05] Do have some stuff that they will watch together. And they actually have shows like Stranger Things. Like, they all watched that together. Like they all enjoyed that. That was a show that they all could kind of watch together.
[37:16] So they all. But, you know, probably Carrie would be the. The most receptive to, you know, with. With Mary Carolyn and then, you know, and Liz does watch stuff with her, but there's a lot of stuff that Liz likes to watch that Mayor Cohen will not watch.
[37:28] And that's kind of where me and her will watch together.
[37:34] Christina Donovan: I mean, do you have goals in your life that you haven't accomplished yet that you still think about or hope to do?
[37:45] Tim Conti: I mean,
[37:48] probably not, I would say. I mean, that sounds like they've done everything,
[37:52] but I mean,
[37:53] right now, like,
[37:55] I guess I'm looking at the goals that I have in front of me are more about,
[37:59] you know, my kids and their futures and kind of their growing up and, you know, and then obviously my. My other goal would be retirement. You kind of, you Know,
[38:11] you know, having retirement years and,
[38:14] and then, you know, doing things with Marco and once, you know, once the, Once the kids are kind of out on their own.
[38:20] Tara Bansal: What would you like to be doing in retirement besides volunteering more? Do you have,
[38:28] like,
[38:29] things you've imagined for that? Have you made plans or thought about it, talked about it?
[38:36] Tim Conti: Erica and I talk about it a lot. Like,
[38:41] I'm not a huge traveler,
[38:43] so,
[38:45] you know, and not that I won't travel,
[38:47] I. I don't want to, but it's like, it's not.
[38:50] I know a lot of people are like, oh, I want to travel and see the world and stuff like that. I don't.
[38:54] At least at this point in my life, that's not something that. Is something that I want to do.
[39:00] It doesn't mean that I won't and I won't change. Like,
[39:04] we talk about it and it's. We both love the beat.
[39:07] So,
[39:08] you know,
[39:09] I kind of just at least,
[39:11] at least for the initial part, I could just see myself,
[39:15] you know, being at the beach and, you know,
[39:18] golfing and then kind of just.
[39:21] Yeah.
[39:22] Enjoying retirement. And then at some point I'll get bored of that and then probably have to go,
[39:28] then move on to something else. Whether it's volunteer. I'll have to keep busy because I'm not,
[39:32] I think American said I'm not someone that can sit still a lot. Like, even if I have a day off or I have a Saturday or nothing to do, I find something to do.
[39:40] I can't at night if I'm watching a hockey game or a football game, like, I can sit there and watch that, but otherwise I can't usually just sit and do nothing.
[39:49] I have to be.
[39:50] I have to be doing something.
[39:52] And.
[39:53] Tara Bansal: Yeah, that sounds like I was about.
[39:57] Christina Donovan: To say that's the way. That's the way our father is.
[40:01] Very much so. Do you guys think you would like to stay in Atlanta after you retire? Is that something you guys talk about?
[40:13] Tim Conti: We kind of, I mean,
[40:15] you know,
[40:16] and these are kind of visions of grandeur, which may be completely,
[40:21] you know, we'll see what happens in 15 years. But it's like we always talk about having like a place in the mountains and then a place at the beach and kind of just flip flopping back and forth because, you know, I do like winter, I do like snow.
[40:33] I think one of the things that I miss,
[40:36] you know, in Atlanta, like living in Atlanta is. Has having like four real seasons, like having a winter and, and having snow. So,
[40:44] you know, we talk about so probably not in Atlanta, but somewhere. Whether we're in, like, the North Georgia mountains or,
[40:52] you know, or the North Carolina mountains or something like that. And then obviously, you know, somewhere on the coast also.
[40:58] Again, that's.
[41:01] I don't know if that's going to be realistic or not, but that would be.
[41:04] Tara Bansal: You don't. Nobody's.
[41:05] Tim Conti: Yeah.
[41:06] Tara Bansal: You don't have to guarantee it. I just wanted to drink.
[41:11] Christina Donovan: We're all at that point, I think.
[41:13] Tara Bansal: Anything you wish we had asked or that you would like to share before we close out?
[41:26] Tim Conti: No, I mean, I think I. I feel like the questions were great. I. I feel like this was like.
[41:35] Like insightful for myself because I feel like a lot of things I talked about, I was like, you know, I never really thought about that. So it's been.
[41:40] It's been almost educational.
[41:43] Educational for me. And some of the things that we've gone over, which is. Which has been great because it's like, you know, you don't. A lot of these questions, you don't.
[41:50] You don't think about, which is what's. Which is what's so great. And I think what I've enjoyed listening to everybody else is to kind of hear, you know, what they say and.
[41:59] And what they think and kind of where they are in their lives and how they look at everything. It's, you know, it.
[42:05] There's so many things that, like,
[42:07] just, like, you know, talking about working in the store, you didn't realize, and it's even,
[42:11] you know, you were talking about Mary being an own child. And it's. It's one of the things that I realized, which c. Helped me realize that, like,
[42:19] being one of seven has helped so much because,
[42:23] again, you're dealing with people. You're dealing with different people.
[42:25] We're all living together in the same house. You know, like, I. I tell my kids all the time the stuff that we used to fight about and, you know, we used to race to eat food to see who was going to get seconds because there was only a certain amount left.
[42:36] Right.
[42:37] Christina Donovan: Like, I remember that to my kids.
[42:39] Tim Conti: Like, all these things,
[42:41] you know, and it's like. And it's funny. Mary Carolyn very much recognizes that. And, you know, and I think Mary Carolyn,
[42:48] although she. She loves the relationship she has with her parents as being an only child, which is something that you get from that. But she would have loved to have a sibling.
[42:56] And, you know, and she sees all kids fight all the time in the beginning,
[42:59] and, you know, she'd be like, what is going on? And I think it was,
[43:03] I think it was Amy that told her, like, that's normal. Like that's like that's, you know, that's how it's supposed to be your kids. And it's like, you know, and it's.
[43:11] Tara Bansal: Something that, yeah, but it is, it.
[43:15] Tim Conti: Is something that, you know, again, it's like I realize these things early on in my life that have helped kind of make me who I am and the success or whatever success I have, you know, comes about from those things and you don't, you don't think about that.
[43:31] You know, a lot of times you don't think about stuff like that and that I, you know, that's what this talk has been great. Because it's a lot of stuff that, you know, I thought about that.
[43:41] Yeah.
[43:41] Tara Bansal: Very insightful how it comes together. One last question, or at least that I have, is what does the word legacy mean to you?
[43:53] Tim Conti: I would say legacy would,
[43:56] would be,
[43:57] you know, what people will remember you by or about,
[44:04] you know, I mean, I think, you know, if someone,
[44:07] you know, after I'm no longer there, if someone asked Terry or any of my kids, you know, what,
[44:14] what was your dad like? You know, then I think that's kind of what they would remember me by and, and that sort of thing would be my legacy. I, I don't, I don't know if that's a good answer or not, but.
[44:24] Tara Bansal: That'S exactly how I would answer it. But I agree,
[44:28] you know, how,
[44:29] what do you,
[44:30] what do you think they will say and what do you hope they would say about you?
[44:39] Tim Conti: You know, and I guess that to me it's like, you know, when you think about, you know, the importance of legacy, you're like, yeah, I mean, I would, I would,
[44:45] I don't know, I didn't want people to say that, you know,
[44:48] I was fun to be around, that I was funny, that, you know,
[44:52] that I always had funny stories to tell or, you know,
[44:56] that I was helpful,
[44:59] generous.
[45:01] I think those would be the most important things.
[45:03] Tara Bansal: It's great. I love your answers. Yeah.
[45:06] Christina Donovan: And I do think that's the way people view you, at least in our family.
[45:11] Tim Conti: Huh? Yeah.
[45:13] Tara Bansal: Anything else? Teen?
[45:16] Christina Donovan: No, Tim, this was great.
[45:19] Tara Bansal: It was very fun. I don't know that we've laughed this much on one of our interviews.
[45:25] Christina Donovan: I would agree.
[45:27] Tim Conti: Well, at least I did one thing, man. I guess.
[45:30] No,
[45:31] this, this really though, I very much,
[45:34] I very much enjoyed this also and I appreciate your guys patience. It's been,
[45:39] it's been tough to get this kind of lined up. So I'm glad. I'm glad it all finally happened. And,
[45:44] yeah, I thank you.
[45:47] Tara Bansal: Yeah. As always, I've learned stuff I learned about you that I didn't know and it was very fun. So. Well, thanks for making the time. We loved having you here.
[45:58] Tim Conti: Yeah.
[45:58] Christina Donovan: Thank you, Tim.
[45:59] Tim Conti: Yeah.
[46:00] Christina Donovan: Bye.
[46:01] Tim Conti: Thank you, guys. All right, bye.
[46:06] Christina Donovan: Hello, this is Tina or Christina here.
[46:09] And our recommendation for this episode is actually a website of recommendations.
[46:16] I know there are a lot of websites and things on social media that recommend everything that you can imagine.
[46:27] And this particular one is called thecandidly.com@T-H-E c a n d I d l y dot com.
[46:36] We will put a link to it in the recommendations section of this episode.
[46:45] And I can't really say how I came across it.
[46:49] Their recommendations tend to be organized in a sense of articles on a particular topic, some that have funny titles.
[46:59] They offer information and recommendations on a wide range of things from health, relationships, life style and beauty.
[47:08] I tend to focus on the style and the beauty and the things I really like about it is that they are geared more towards people in middle age,
[47:19] I would say people in their mid-40s through their 50s.
[47:24] And the products that they recommend are easily found and very easy on the budget.
[47:34] I bought a pair of jeans for under $50.
[47:38] I have bought some tank tops for around $15.
[47:41] Everything that they offer seems at a reasonable price and again,
[47:48] easy to find in stores that are easy to access or on websites that are easy to access.
[47:55] So again,
[47:56] I highly recommend thecandedly.com check it out.
[48:01] I hope you find it as helpful and useful as Tara and I have.
[48:06] And we'll see you next time. For show notes and other information about our podcast, please Visit our website, messymiddlesence.com if you enjoyed listening, please help spread the word about our podcast by sending a link to a family member or friend.
[48:23] And don't forget to leave a positive rating or review for us.
[48:27] As always, we hope you will return for more.
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TheCandidly website for information and recommendations on style and beauty.
Here are a few articles from which we bought items based on their recommendations (and that we are very happy with):
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Tim Conti was born in New Jersey and raised in Pittsburgh, PA where he held his first job as a paper boy. It was also in Pittsburgh that his die-hard love of the Penguins, the Steelers, and the Pirates began.
After graduating from Duquesne University with a history major, the 1996 Olympics brought Tim to Atlanta. There, his employment ranged from parking cars to selling real estate to managing a retail store. Each job helped teach him hard work, reliability, relationship building, leadership, and, most of all, humor. He attributes the success of his current role in the film and television industry to all those skills he picked up along the way.
Tim currently resides just outside Atlanta with his wife, Mary Carolyn, and his 3 kids, Carrie, Elizabeth, and Ben. In his free time, he plays hockey and is developing a love/hate relationship with golf. He also loves to spend time with his family by coaching his son’s hockey team, taking his daughters to various concerts, and travelling.