“Change happens in the small things. I don’t think anyone has to have a dramatic moment, whether it’s positive or negative, to change you. I think you have the ability to transform every day”
One of the wonderful benefits of modern technology is the ability to connect and communicate with others, often finding communities of people who share our experiences, questions, and interests.
Our guest today is Trish Ryan, founder and creative force behind Bloom., an e-newsletter and blog she publishes three times a week for an audience primarily made up of women in their 50s and beyond. Bloom. reaches approximately 5,000 women and grew out of Trish's own experience of becoming an empty nester and recognizing that she wanted more for herself. As Trish explains, "I had a lot of thoughts going through my mind, but I never read about them, and I never heard anybody else talk about them." She wondered, "If I'm feeling this way, there's gotta be other people that feel the same way."
Bloom. is Trish's answer to an absence of dialogue around the different emotions, challenges, and delights of midlife. Like Messy Middlescence, Bloom seeks to encourage meaningful conversations and create connections around our shared experiences. Both benefit from the accessibility that modern technology provides.
Trish comes across as a dynamic force in our conversation with her. Her confidence, positive energy, and insight are motivational and contagious. A gifted writer, she has a special ability to turn familiar thoughts and experiences into invitations to think more deeply and differently.
We particularly loved Trish's perspective on transformation and her belief that it doesn't have to be dramatic. It can happen in small, everyday ways as we try new things, discover new interests, and become more comfortable with who we are. Trish genuinely likes who she is and is excited about who she is becoming. Her curiosity and enthusiasm for this stage of life are inspiring.
We loved talking to her about Bloom., transformation, and the opportunities that having more time and freedom in this phase of life can bring.
Topics discussed also include:
The origin story of Bloom. and how it got its name
How Trish views transformation as something that happens throughout our lives
Trish's perspective on hurdles and roadblocks
The changes she and her husband have experienced as empty nesters
Moving from CEO to VP in our children's lives
The satisfaction and opportunities that discovering a new sport can bring
Her discovery and growth as a writer
The happiness and satisfaction of creating something that grows
The importance of trying new things and remaining open to possibilities
Her mantra of keeping moving, exploring, talking to people, and learning
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Tara Bansal: Welcome.
This is Tara Conti Bansal and we are here at Messy Middlessence. I'm with my sister, Christina Conti Donovan and super excited to have Trish Ryan with us here today.
Wow. I feel like through a friend of a friend is how I got introduced to Trish.
And she has an E newsletter and a substack and a blog called Bloom that just, I felt like had Messy Middlesex name written all over it.
I love what she writes and how she writes. She's a beautiful writer and she talks in particular about women in their 50s in this phase of life,
the positive and beautiful new things and some of the not so great things that we're all struggling with. The
Tina Donovan: challenges.
Tara Bansal: Challenges.
So welcome Trish. We're so excited to have you here.
Tell us your story, kind of what got you where you are now and what you would like to share about yourself and your family.
Trish Ryan: Yeah, it's so funny how you can look back and find out like, how did I get here?
Because clearly no one thought in my 20s, I'm going to write a newsletter to go out to people 50 plus. So I had to have my,
my life before this happened. And that's the, the, the great part and the, the part of the story about it.
Where do I even begin?
I grew up in central Pennsylvania. I was the third of four girls.
My mom grew up in the Philadelphia area. And I think we,
when we always visited family, we always went to Philadelphia to visit her family. And so we all kind of navigated that way.
My sisters and I, the three of us went to schools in the Philadelphia area. And so Philadelphia just really felt like home to me.
I went to school in the Philadelphia area. My sister and I, one of my sisters and I moved in together. She was finishing law school. I just finished college.
We lived together. That's where I met my husband in Philadelphia.
We got engaged and then he got a job in New York City.
So we literally pulled out a map and you have to envision this. It's pulling out a map because you gotta Remember this is 19
Tara Bansal: physical map,
Trish Ryan: 94.
Took the atlas outta my car and said, look, we could live in Princeton, New Jersey, because then you can take the train to New York and I can still go to my job.
At that point. I worked in marketing at Campbell Soup Company in Camden, New Jersey.
And that's how we landed to where we lived for 25 years. And eventually I left Campbell's and I stayed and worked in the Princeton area and he was in New York for, I'm gonna say, 17 or 18 years.
That was a long time. We raised three amazing kids in the Princeton area, and it was great.
And then we always felt like there was a need to come back. There was always a pull to move back into Philadelphia.
And we did it bit by bit. We weren't sure if we really wanted to do it.
We lived in. After we sold our house in 2020,
and we lived in New Hope, Pennsylvania for three years.
Big, beautiful farm. It was great country. We're like, maybe we like country living.
And it was great for three years, but then we said, it's a little bit too quiet. And we really do have the energy and. And the desire to live into the city.
So three years ago, we moved into Philadelphia as empty nesters, because at that point, the youngest was already in college.
And here we are,
still a house big enough to cram everybody in. It's just a little smaller, it's more vertical than it is horizontal.
But we've lived here for three years now, and.
And it's been great.
And I think during that whole transition, because as I just said, like those last couple years, there's a lot. Moving on. We moved. We, you know, tried somewhere else. Our kids were all left.
I realized I needed more and I wanted more for myself, and I had more space now for myself to really do what I wanted to do. And out of that came Bloom,
because of exactly what I was feeling.
I had a lot of thoughts going through my mind,
but I never heard. I never read about them, and I never heard anybody else talk about them.
And I said, if I'm feeling this way,
there's gotta be other people that feel the same way.
And I said, you know what?
I'm gonna. I'm gonna write this, like, so little backstory is that my husband also owns. He owns email newsletters that go out to men. And so that's what kind of prompted the idea is like, he.
This is how I can get to these people, through email newsletters. And in working with him, we.
I said, but I want it to be more because I want to have that conversation.
And so that's where Bloom came about.
And it's a newsletter that I write three times a week. It goes out to right now about 5,000 women.
It's geared to people 50 plus. And it's about this chapter of life. And what I feel was rarely said out loud.
And it's a lot of me talking in the beginning. There's like an opening note or an intro, and it's really what's going on in my Life at this moment. And people are like,
they get to know me.
But again, I feel like other people feel that way too. So if I'm, you know, I think just in the newsletter that went out today, I talked about a groceries store experience.
And. But it made me think.
And how it made me think was I used to go to the store, prepare for five meals, go to the grocery store. We went once, I bought everything, I brought it home and I cooked.
And now that there's just two of us,
I don't like going to the grocery store anymore.
And my husband's like, oh, I'll go. And so he goes to the grocery store.
And just Monday I went with him. And I did my normal routine. My body, like, just said, okay. I picked out three recipes in my head. I bought all the ingredients, we came home, we had meals for three.
Cause usually we go every day. The grocery store is just two blocks away.
And that really, really hit me as to why I don't like going to the grocery store. It's because it's reminding me of the whole family being home.
And now that there's just the two of us, it's different.
It's not bad. It's just different.
And just made me really think of, like, why things happen and. And why things change.
And it's okay. It's okay to miss my kids. It's okay to not want to cook because it's down cooking for two and not cooking for five.
And that's where I was able to write that down and kind of filter that through, because I'm sure other people are gonna. Are feeling the same way.
You know, this.
This chapter that we're in where we really are figuring out who we are as. As humans, because we may be mothers, we may be, you know, wives, we may be, or a lot of things, but now we can truly be ourselves too.
And we get to start over. We get to be an empty, like, we. We get to reinvent ourselves. We get to, you know, create who we truly want to be because we have a little bit more space.
And that's.
That's what's great about it, and that's why I write about it. And again, I want to form that community with people so that I talk about what is going on in my life.
But I also interject in the email ways where we could have that. Start that conversation where they can email back. And hopefully, as it gets bigger, we can start a real community of people where we can all talk together and really help each other out, because that's what we need.
Tara Bansal: Mm. And that's a big part of what we craved and wanted with messy middlescence, too, is just that community.
And I have to say,
reading your articles, it is like you're expressing so much of what thoughts I've had in my head.
And so I imagine you're getting that reaction because it does feel like you take a specific event that most of us can relate to and really,
I don't know, thoughtfully and intentionally get me to think more about it.
Yeah.
Trish Ryan: And hopefully have a conversation with a friend so that when you go over and you say, hey, let's have coffee,
maybe it gives you that little nugget to have that conversation to say, you know what? I've been feeling this way. Have you been feeling this way too? Or do you know anyone else?
We want to get those conversations started.
Tara Bansal: Yes.
Trish Ryan: And hopefully this is a way that we can have that we can do that.
Tina Donovan: How long have you been an empty nester now?
Trish Ryan: So My youngest is 22 now, so I get. I know what is empty nest? Is it when they first leave for colleges or when they're
Tina Donovan: finally
Trish Ryan: for colleges, when that last box is out?
None of them live at home.
And so I truly feel like now it's like a real empty nester because they are like off the payroll, as we like to say.
They still come to the bank of Ryan quite often,
but I feel like they are empty nesters. So I, you know, I would say. And I've been feeling like the. For internally, I've been feeling this way probably for like the last four years now.
Probably when he went to college is when I realized that I had a little bit more time and now even more so. My kids were all involved in sports and we were always there to support them.
And so this is actually in the first fall where I have no sideline to be on.
And so this is one that specifically kind of hit us. Cause we were like, wait, what are we doing doing this fall? We don't. Our weekends are.
Are open.
We don't have to travel anywhere. We're not getting hotels or staying anywhere or, you know,
you know,
going on Google Maps and finding out how far anything is and figuring out care for the dog or whatnot. And so it's really like we've got all the time to.
To plan things,
which is great because then living in the city, we say, oh, let's just do an excursion. And we kind of pick a place to go and,
and do things and find things to do that we've always wanted to Go to.
I love. I'm a history geek and I love to go to museums and history museums. My husband loves art. And so being in the city, it's really easy to find a place to explore and people to talk to.
Tara Bansal: Yeah. So do you feel like being in the city is more what you want after. After living in New Hope and being on the farm?
Trish Ryan: Yes. I definitely. We, We. We both love the, the energy of it.
I still like the quiet sometimes too,
but the energy is definitely there. And I think it helps with the transition a lot because I'm not in the house that they all grew up in and I don't know.
I don't know who I would be if I still lived in the house that we all grew up in.
I. I can't answer that. And it's. It's something to explore with a lot of my friends. I'm saying, you still live in that house. Is it. What does it change?
You know, I don't have boxes of their things here because when we moved,
they took them all. Um, and so I think that that helps create this self identity or, you
Tara Bansal: know,
Trish Ryan: and it helps with the change because things are new and I have that opportunity of starting, of starting differently again.
Tara Bansal: How long have you been doing Bloom again?
Trish Ryan: So Bloom actually just started out. I, I started it, I think in March of this year of 2026.
Tara Bansal: Oh, wow.
Trish Ryan: Before it was Bloom, I had. It was. It was a newsletter called Quitting Time.
And that was something that just went out.
It still went out three day, three days a week.
And it was sent out at the end of the day to kind of give you start again those conversations. So they were just three. It was a static email,
three stories that prompted thought curiosity,
which would be thought starters for conversations Again. So as you're meeting someone on the street, you're meeting your friend for coffee, you could say, hey, this, you know, it's just a random fact again, no politics, no news, no.
No darkness,
but just refreshing stories that could start, you know, spark that conversation. And that's when I said, you know what? I need something. I want something deeper. I just don't want,
hey, did you know,
you know, how elevators were built? Or something like that? But I said, let's really, let's really get into what we really want to talk about. And so I think that was.
It's a nice transition as to what to really make what I want to become, what I want Bloom to be and what I want the conversations to be.
Tara Bansal: Very cool. And I like how even you took a First step. And you keep changing it or re. Reinventing.
Trish Ryan: I think we always need to keep our minds open to change.
Change is hard. It's hard for everyone. I don't like change. You can see since in some situations my feet are so firmly planted, I'm like, I'm not changing.
Um,
but change is what helps us grow and looking at things differently. And so when I first stopped, I said, this is the, you know, this is the news that I'm going to do.
And I was like, you know what? It's not. It's not enough. But. And it doesn't. And I can change it and it can evolve.
And that's what I think is. Is the best part about it. And I, I still. And I want it to evolve now because I can see how Bloom can grow into,
like I said, like a community where we can talk or maybe have a book group or we all read a book and come together, or we all meet in some, you know, place to actually physically see each other.
You know, those are. Those are the thoughts that go on in my mind. And I have to remember to wheel myself back in and be where I am and then.
And grow it to that.
But the response so far has been amazing. So many people will say, you've just captured exactly what I'm feeling.
And that's when I encourage them. I write people back and I say, good,
have a conversation with somebody or continue to talk to me about it, but it's what we need. I think
Tara Bansal: I agree. What did you study? Were you always a writer?
Trish Ryan: No, never thought myself to be a writer. And my father,
who is a subscriber to Blob, keeps saying, he goes, you're such a good writer. And I was like, I never thought of myself as a writer.
My background is in marketing,
and specifically it's food marketing.
So my first job was at Campbell Soup Company where I, you know, I worked in marketing related to food. And so it was like, okay, this is exactly what I'm doing.
I went to school for that. This is what my, you know, this is what my job is like. And through a variety, you know, it's just it again, it's. It's all about evolving.
I never considered myself a writer, but I think for a lot of years I had always talked to myself in my head.
And it's really helpful to put it out into words because it. It helps me either saying things out loud or writing things or reading them, you know, the more senses that you use is what really I help.
Helps things process through and So I just started writing. And, you know, it's like, it's really scary to look at a blank screen.
And I always.
Sometimes I get up and I walk away. I'm like, I can't. You know?
But then I just say to myself, just. Just start. Just write something.
Just write one sentence. And then one sentence becomes two, it becomes three, and it just keeps moving on. And then when you read something at the end and you're like, wow,
I feel better now.
Like, yeah, that is what I was thinking in my head. That is what I want to say. It's very rewarding.
Tara Bansal: Has it gotten easier?
Trish Ryan: No.
Tara Bansal: It's good to know.
Trish Ryan: No, because it's still always a little scary because, again, it's me and it's personal.
So it's always,
I guess, you know, I guess the word is vulnerable. You're always a little vulnerable. Saying, I'm like, what are people going to think? And then I always just say, if they don't like me,
that's okay, too.
I'm not for everybody.
I know that. I think there are a lot of people that. That do feel and think the same.
Tara Bansal: Yeah. How is your newsletter or blog different from your husband's?
Trish Ryan: Well, his goes primarily to men,
and it's static, that it's. It's just articles to read.
Whereas one of the things I liked was that this is a little bit more dynamic, that I have my opinion in the front and I ask questions and I kind of interject what I'm wearing, what book I'm reading.
You know, it has a lot of. And then it. It.
And I ask people their opinions, what are their thoughts. I leave everything with a question. I answer the question myself,
and then I have a button where you can say, you know, what's your response? So I'm. I'm dynamic in that sense that I'm requesting feedback, I'm encouraging feedback.
So that
Tara Bansal: is
Trish Ryan: your
Tara Bansal: husband's about midlife too, or. No,
Trish Ryan: no, it's. It's. It's. No,
Tara Bansal: that's why. Okay. Sorry. I. For some reason, I thought that his
Tina Donovan: was as well. That's why. Okay.
Tara Bansal: And how long has he had his.
Trish Ryan: Probably for about. I think it's almost 10 years now.
Tara Bansal: Okay. Was that his job before or. No,
Trish Ryan: he was in print sales,
so he started his career at.
Oh, what was his first job? Well, they were small magazines in Philadelphia. And then when he went to New York, his first job was at Ladies Home Journal,
and it was, you know, selling the print advertisings and the. What they call the Ladies Home Journal is one of the seven sisters.
And he went from Ladies Home Journal to Rolling Stone to Timing to People magazine. And then the digital world came in,
and all those magazines started to go online,
and it kind of changed. And so I think that's how everyone has to evolve.
I think it's a lot of people, you think when you ask the question, like, what was my major? What did I study in college, and what am I doing now?
Ironically,
he was the English major.
And now he speaks through painting.
He paints every day. He started as a hobby. He's a fabulous, fabulous painter.
He speaks to people through his art. Yeah,
it's funny. Do your kids
Tara Bansal: read your newsletters?
Trish Ryan: They do. All of them do.
Tara Bansal: Do they give you feedback or
Tina Donovan: a lot of commentary?
Trish Ryan: They usually just are encouraging or say, I didn't know you felt that way. Because I think being the mom,
I was just the orchestrator of everything. Of all the things I knew the doctor's appointments, I did, the grocery shopping. I was the. What would you call.
I call it the
Tara Bansal: CEO of the home. Like you. Yeah,
Trish Ryan: I was the CEO family
Tara Bansal: and taking care of.
Trish Ryan: I was. I was definitely the CEO. I knew. I knew what leaked, what didn't leak, and, you know, who needed to go where and everything.
I think it's. It's encouraging for them to see the struggles. Like. Like, I talked about the grocery store experience, but that said it. I don't. I didn't say it in the opening note that, like, I don't.
This is probably why, but it was just the transition of. Of what was going through. I think I connected the dots, and I don't think I connected the dots until after I hit publish,
but they get how I. They get how you feel a little bit, and they get. They get what. It's like,
a lot of what we're all going through now is. It's adult children and how you orchestrate. It's a completely different relationship. You know, you. You. I don't want to tell them what to do.
I'm there to support an essay that I write that I wrote. A lot of times I write longer essays than the just opening note for Bloom and then I post them somewhere.
But one of the. One of the essays that I wrote was going from CEO to vp.
Tara Bansal: No,
Trish Ryan: it's like,
Tina Donovan: yeah, I read.
Trish Ryan: It's hard when you devote your. I mean, you get yourself demoted. You do such a good job. You're like, okay, they're out the door and the kids are flourishing and do really well.
You're like, wow,
I just worked Myself out of a job,
you know, and the dentist appointment that you used to make, now you don't even hear about until after the fact when they're saying, I didn't know a dentist appointment costs that much,
or what's a co pay? Or why do I have it? So it is interesting. Yeah. From CEO to vp, which is a good position to have for the
Tina Donovan: kids.
Tara Bansal: Well, and Ethan, I read one of yours where you talked about when you're no longer listed as a beneficiary,
like, that's a big deal.
And just hearing you talk, it's like all these different phases,
even of when your kids are so little and how much energy and how hard that is and how the hard changes,
but just all the different phases. And I feel like reading some of your articles, like,
knowing when you're no longer listed as the beneficiary is a big deal.
Trish Ryan: It is. It is a big deal. I mean, it's like when they were little,
that was physically exhausting.
When they were teenagers, that was mentally exhausting. Because, you know, before you're like, wow, I thought when they were in a playpen, that was hard. You're like, they were contained.
Now I've just given them a car and given them the keys. And now I don't. I was like, that's not a contained,
Contained environment anymore.
Um,
and. And now it's a. You know, now that they're adults, it's a whole new. It's. It's. It's not physically exhausting or emotionally exhausting.
It's rewarding a lot.
And it's being able to take a step back and see the hardest part is watching them kind of like, not make mistakes, but, like,
fumble and, and, and falter a little bit as adults, because that's different.
But they're working through it and they're figuring it out. Because a lot of times it's like, yeah, you're working. You're working hard. Yeah. Your boss isn't seeing your viewpoint eye to eye.
And. Yeah. And a lot of times it's just. It's nodding and just sitting in the muck with them.
Um,
and, you know, that's when I say, okay, I'll just sit in the muck with you because I can't help you get out of this.
Tara Bansal: What are you doing with this expanded bandwidth and time and energy for yourself?
Trish Ryan: Well, I'm writing a lot.
I'm writing a lot. I picked up a new sport I play. It's either paddle or padel. It's a, It's a Mix between pickleball, tennis, squash.
So I play that a lot and I never thought I'd be able to. I was,
my kids were all in sports. I never participated in sports growing up,
so I didn't even know I could do this pretty well. So I spend a lot of time on the, on the paddle court, which is fun.
Made a whole bunch of new friends, which was amazing as well.
Tara Bansal: How did you get into that? Like what, what spurred even to try it?
Trish Ryan: So my husband is a.
He played tennis in college and ebbs and flows. He would pick it up, you know, in his adulthood and then play it down. And he came home one day, I think he had heard about this place and this, this club that had,
it had pickleball, it had Fidel, it had a gym, it had golf simulators,
had a restaurant. And he was like, I'm just going to go check it out. And I was like, okay, go for it. Have fun.
And he comes back and he goes, I joined,
we joined. I was like, oh, we
Tara Bansal: joined.
Trish Ryan: So, so I at first just went for the gym and he was playing and he started to play this sport and he picked it up obviously very easily because it was a little bit of tennis across from, you know,
it's related to tennis in some way, shape or form.
And then he said, you should try it too. And so I tried it and found a group of people that were beginners, just like I was and, and really started to just to play and enjoy it.
So again, I think that that transition of,
you know, everything just falls into place. I'm in a new, I'm in a new city,
I'm got time on my hands.
Other people,
you find other people. It was just a great way to,
to meet people and to really experience the city.
And that, that threw me for a loop too because everyone was a different age and you never really, you can't really tell. I don't know. I'm terrible at telling people's ages, but you know, you don't know for a long day it's like these are people and they're not, they're not seeing me as a,
as who I was.
Like to them I'm just Trish.
And that kind of threw me for a loop cuz nobody knew my backstory. No one. You know, I just showed up here and I've got a racket in my hand and they're like, okay, let's play.
And so that was,
I think, helping a lot with the empty nesting because then I could say it helped me with my identity. And who I was, because they didn't know me as a mom.
They don't know me as Mrs. Ryan.
Um,
in fact, funny story, they.
We were playing.
We were at another club,
and they had pickleball and. And paddle there. And I was walked by, and someone said, hi, Mrs. Ryan.
And I literally went,
what?
And I turned around, and it was one of my daughter's whole lacrosse teammates.
And,
you know, that's who I was to her. I was Mrs. Ryan.
I was like, oh, hey, how are you?
And I was like, but I'm Trish here now.
And she was like, oh, right, we're all adults now. I was like,
Tara Bansal: yeah.
Trish Ryan: Which was just funny because it clashed. Those. Those two parts of my life, like, just collided at that point. And I was like, really?
It was.
It was illuminating there.
But I get to be, you know, here again, starting in a different city. I get to be who I am with no other parts of your story,
which kind of relates to the whole, like, transformation, which is part of what your whole season is called.
Um,
and when you think of transformation, like, the definition is like a complete.
I looked it up. It was like a complete or thorough change.
And then my example then in my head, is a caterpillar.
Um, but that transformation for. From a, you know, caterpillar to a butterfly is only like 14 days or so.
And I was like, oh, no, a transformation is much longer than that.
But people don't know you in all those stages. Like, the transformation is truly a personal thing because I'm the only person that's going to see me from beginning to end.
My husband didn't meet me until I was 23,
so he doesn't know me that whole age.
You know,
people don't see. They only see chunks of your life. Like, when I was in Princeton's, people saw me from the age of whatever it was, you know,
28 to 50,
and they saw that state, you know, that part of my life. But in terms of a transformation, I'm the only one that's going to see me from birth,
probably until it ends. And that's the beauty of it, because it is. Transformation is so personal,
and everyone's story is going to be different. And that's what's.
What's great,
because I get to be throughout. I get to write my entire story, and I get to be the main character in it,
and that's my transformation,
which. Which goes into what I love your podcast title is Messy Middle Essence, because it always relates to me to a fairy tale,
where a fairy tale always Starts out once upon a time. And you always even say that once upon a time.
And as you're reading the story or as you're telling the story,
your voice changes when it gets to the messy middle. The middle is when they're fighting the battles and they're throwing swords and, you know, things are happening, and that's the dark.
And that's the part everyone loves. That's the part where you're holding, you know, you're,
you know, you're leaning in, you're listening in, and you,
you know, holding onto your chair and, like, what's going to happen there?
And that's the part. The messy metal essence. That's the fun part. That's. That's where we're figuring things out.
And then you get to live happily ever after. And again, again, your voice changes again. But the messy medalescence is the crux of it. That's. We all want to get away from that, but that's what we want.
That's where we grow. That's where we become who we are,
and that's the exciting part.
So I'm really glad that the messy middlescence has lots of stages and lots of parts. Right.
Because this is. This is the part where we're figuring out, you know,
your. Your chapters, hopefully, in your life are very long and your stages are long. And in this chapter,
I feel like I'm just in the messy middle essence and figuring out. Figuring out who I want to be and what's going to happen. But I'm going to save the day because I'm the hero in my story.
Tara Bansal: As you should be. Right. And.
But my reaction is I. I also think you can keep doing that. It's not just limited to this phase. It's almost like this is the best time. It's
Trish Ryan: in every. It's in every stage.
Tara Bansal: Yeah. Because that's what I was like. Adolescence is, you know,
part of that discovery and part of that change.
And then you're 20 each.
I don't know. I'm not explaining it, but you do keep transforming, as you were saying,
with the.
Yeah,
Trish Ryan: and it's always going to be messy.
Tara Bansal: Mm. In some form.
Trish Ryan: But messy's the part that you get to figure out Messi's where you come in,
you know,
and how you are and how you show up and who you wanna be.
I also think
Tina Donovan: this stage has some of the more change maybe, or more challenges than,
I guess, when you're in your 20s and 30s. There. There tend to be very defined paths,
and not everybody follows them. But they are there. Whereas I think in. Once you get to a certain stage, I think a lot of those paths disappear. And that's what makes it messy, because all of a sudden you have to forge your own path versus sort of these defined roles and expectations that exist when you're younger.
I don't know. That's my take.
Trish Ryan: Yeah. Well, I see there are so many paths now at this stage in our lives, you know, and they're. And they're coming and going because I think now it's like if our parents are still alive, we're getting pulled from that direction on how we help them and looking out for them.
And then we've got the kids coming from another direction, and then we're still in there. And then there's still so many avenues you can take on yourself. I think there's even more paths open.
I think when you're in your 20s, there's only a few paths open because that's what we could take the meant. That's the breadth of our brains. But now we've grown so much, We've learned so much, we're so wise.
And hopefully, I think the one thing that I've gained over all this time is patience.
And now we have the patience to kind of sit and see and choose because there are so many paths. And you can take all of them slowly, or you can just one of them or two of them, it doesn't matter.
But none of them are wrong.
Tara Bansal: Yeah. And in a way, almost, it can feel overwhelming with the number of options and choices. And I think that can be hard, too.
Trish Ryan: Yeah. But that's where we get to choose, too.
Tara Bansal: Yeah. And that's part of the freedom.
Trish Ryan: Yeah. And the voices that we have now, we get to. You know, it's not something that I have to do, but now I get to choose to do it. And I can say no to things, and I can say yes to things.
Tara Bansal: Yes.
Trish Ryan: And that's amazing. I think it's now, I think the.
The one thing, especially with my kids, that they find not startling, but it's like when I have an opinion on something, they'll say, I'll say, I do that. Like, this is what I think.
They're like, okay,
you never said that before. I was like, no, because I was. You know, then you're just making sure that nobody gets upset. And, you know, you're saying, this is where I'm choosing.
Cause it's probably the safest thing to say, or how it blends everything and so not start an argument or anything. Like that you're more mediating everything. It's like, I'm not mediating anything now.
I'm putting my opinion in there.
Tara Bansal: How do you think you're wiser now than you were? I don't know. You can pick whatever time you pre. You want.
Trish Ryan: I feel like I'm wiser because, again, I have more patience or at least I know to stop and pause now.
Raising the kids, I was pretty tightly wound. Like,
you're trying so hard to just keep held things together.
So I was like, just try to do that.
And when change hit you or something that you force a change. I always remember kind of like either physically, like gritting my teeth or crunching my hands together or going ugh.
And then making a decision and then doing that,
but almost being forced to. But now I feel like something can hit me and my hands can stay unclenched and I can think about it and then choose what to do.
So I feel like I'm wiser in that sense where I'm just.
Decisions don't need to be made right away.
My thought, my initial thought, doesn't have to be my end thought, but I can take that time to sit and process through it and really make sure that when I voice my opinion, it's what I truly want to do.
Tara Bansal: And do you. Why do you think that is?
Trish Ryan: That's a good question.
Tina Donovan: I mean, do you think some of that is just perspective?
Trish Ryan: I think it is. I think we've seen a lot, I think we've heard a lot, and I think we can see more. A more full picture of it. I think we can.
I look at things from different perspectives. I think a lot of times now I always say, what are your thoughts on this? Like, I know what I think, but I want to know what you think, because I actually love talking to someone that comes from a completely different mindset because they always say something or look at a.
An idea from a perspective that I would have never come at. And I like to know that I want to get more information before I make my decisions.
Tina Donovan: What would you say are some of the biggest challenges that you have struggled with once you kind of hit your 50s?
Trish Ryan: I think I really wanted to do something for myself. I've realized. And you don't really. I didn't really know how much you're giving to people and how much I was holding myself back because I was taking care of my family, which I wouldn't take back for the world.
It was just where you were right then.
And now that I have this space,
I know who I am and what I want to do.
Um, once you ignite that nurturing phase in your life, I believe it's. It's. It's always constant. Cause it's like you have children, and then sometimes then all of a sudden you have a pet in your house because you still want to nurture.
And now all of a sudden, I have plants.
You still want to take care of things. And I think once that's ignited in you,
you. You don't want that to end.
So the challenges are just kind of really chasing what you want to do. I think the one thing that I've always wanted to do is I wanted to do something for myself.
Not necessarily a career, but I wanted to create something. I consider myself like an entrepreneur. And so that's what Bloom is to me. It's. It's mine. It's something that I'm creating.
I'm struggling with it. It's not easy to do. I'm figuring it out as I go along. The world is changing. Whereas, you know, so many people now have email newsletters.
Before, email newsletters were kind of like, there weren't that many people that did it. And now there's a million email newsletters. So how do I stand out? And so those are all the challenges.
That's what's surprising me about this stage is, like, how. How driven I am to really do this and to really say, it's. It's mine. And I'm making it work for me.
Tina Donovan: How long did it take you to come up with Bloom as the name? I love it.
Trish Ryan: So I think people think Bloom and, like, Bloom is like a flower.
My favorite. One of my favorite songs has always.
Has been the 10,000 Maniacs. It has always been these Are Days. And I think that that speaks to
Tina Donovan: me. It's
Trish Ryan: my favorite song.
I remember going to a concert. We went to several 10,000 Maniacs concerts when we were growing up. I mean, in our 20s.
And these are Days was my favorite song. And one of the.
One of the ends of the phrases is like, as we grow and bloom.
And so that's why it's called Bloom. And it has bloom with a period after it, because I always use punctuation, and my kids hate it,
even in text. Mom, why are you yelling at me? I go, I'm. What? What do you mean, why am I yelling at you? I'm not yelling at you. You said you put a period at the end of that sentence.
And I was like, does that mean I'm yelling at you? They said, yes, I said, well no, that's just grammar.
Tara Bansal: I think you started on this. But what surprised you the most about this phase of life
Trish Ryan: that I really like who I am after, like when you finally get that time to breathe,
when you get that time to reflect,
you look back at all the stages and, and I like me, I like my tenacity, I like my opinions, I like that I'm opinionated.
You know, you just, you look back, you don't see that transformation, you don't see who you really are. Cuz you're just in the thick of it. All the times. And now that I had that space, I look back and I was like, I like me and I,
I like the choices that I've made.
If there's things that I've changed, I like the changes that I've made.
Um, I'm, I'm proud of who I am. I'm proud of, of what I've created so far.
And,
and I want to give and show more of that to people.
Tara Bansal: What advice do you have?
I guess hearing you talk, I think a lot of us maybe are not as sure of what we want to do or who we are.
And I think that's part of the transformation or the growth.
What advice do you have for those of you,
us that aren't where you are? I guess,
Trish Ryan: I guess try something because I wouldn't look at myself to say I am someone that you need to, to emulate or model after because I just feel like I'm being me, I'm doing me.
But one of things my dad always says is you got to keep moving and keep moving.
And he means it from a physical and mobility standpoint as, as he is, you know, he just turned 88. Um,
but I take that as to, in just as a life situation, you gotta keep moving, to keep moving, you have to keep talking to people, you have to keep having conversations, you have to keep exploring, going out there.
There's always things to see. And I, I used to think that like as you get when you get older, like that's what you do. You then sit in a chair and you watch TV and you kind of like stay in a, in a place that's just limited.
I don't know if that makes,
and I don't, I don't want to be in a box at all. I don't want to, I don't want to do that.
I would just say just start, just start somewhere like, and, and, and you have to do with what, what brings you joy and passion.
If you've Always wanted to.
I didn't know I wanted to still play a sport, but I got out there and I was like, oh, wow, this is great, and this is fun. And it's. And it's proving things that I like.
I'm. I'm talking with people. I'm moving my body. I'm meeting new people. I'm learning about new people.
I'm learning from them, and I'm. And I'm. And I'm growing from that.
So that's what I want more of. And it's like, so, what do you want more of? And then you go out and you. And you find that, you know, and there's nothing.
There's no. There's no limit to that. I recently kind of like, I've always wanted. You know, I took Spanish in college, took Spanish in high school, took Spanish in college, but I could never really speak it.
Now I'm sitting there, I was like,
what would it be like? Could I learn it? Could I. Could I learn it? I don't know,
but I could try,
you know, so just. Even the thought that I have a thought of something more I could do, and some people be like, well, why do you need to know that?
You know, do I have a desire to move to another country for a year or two? No.
But the other question is, why not?
And I like the fact I don't know if I'll ever do that and learn Spanish fluently, but I like that I'm thinking about it and noticing that I'm not. Yeah.
That I'm not.
I. I'm not just content with what I know. I want to know more, and I want to learn more.
Tina Donovan: Yeah. And that's one of the things that.
The beauty of having time is to explore and kind of,
if something doesn't turn out the way you want or isn't exactly what you had hoped, you kind of just move on and it's right,
you know,
Trish Ryan: if I don't learn Spanish, I'm like, okay, I tried, but, you know.
Tina Donovan: Yeah.
Trish Ryan: I just never said I couldn't and didn't.
Tara Bansal: What do you feel like you've learned about yourself?
Trish Ryan: Well, I learned that I can write.
I learned that I'm still very young, which is great because I kind of used to, you know, when we were growing up. When I was growing up, I thought 40 was old.
And now that I'm 56, I was like, oh, I'm still a baby. I think some of the things you say, it's like when you're in your 50s, you're in. You're.
You're the freshman of the old people. Like, you're the youngest of the old people. But I don't even think that.
I think I'm just scratching the surface. I think I'm only in, like, eighth grade now,
which is. Which is a nice way to think about it,
because I still have a lot to learn. I have a lot to give, and I just want to keep.
Keep doing that. I want to be.
Be comfortable in my own skin. And I feel like that's what I'm learning, that I am comfortable in my own skin. I like who I am. I like who I'm becoming, but I'm nowhere near done yet.
And learning and giving and knowing that as a mindset keeps all the possibilities open.
Tara Bansal: Do you. Where do you feel like that mindset came from?
Trish Ryan: I think it's a choice. I think it came from just being.
Being happy with myself and being happy in life and not letting negativity drive any of that. There are always,
you know,
tough times. There's always hurdles in life, and I don't think that they're bad things. They're just roadblocks that you need to get around. And, And. And they're not there to stop you.
They're there to just.
They're just roadblocks. And you need to kind of move around them and like a detour. Just. Just move around.
Tara Bansal: What do you do or what helps you when life feels messy and uncertain?
Trish Ryan: I think I go back to the basics. I think a lot of times I tend to. When life gets messy and my brain gets kind of jumbled,
I do.
I do go to a place where it's quiet. I go to the beach a lot.
And just sitting,
like on a beach, no matter what the weather is, like, just seeing the openness and the vastness, and I think the water really helps me. It helps put my thoughts back in place.
I think it's cathartic.
For me, it is. And then it kind of gets me back on track. So whether I'm, like,
down in the dumps about something, I'm frustrated about something, it helps me,
like, un. Untwine that. If that's like a piece of. A piece of thread that's all knotted together, it helps me kind of untwist that and, like, get me that path.
Tara Bansal: I love that.
Trish Ryan: So that's where. And I think it's the juxtaposition of being in the city and then going, okay, I. I need something different.
Um,
just that transition. And it's nice to be able to Just say, you know, the beach is an hour away, so you can say, I'm gone. I'm gone.
Tara Bansal: Yeah.
Trish Ryan: Be back for the
Tara Bansal: day or whatever.
Trish Ryan: Yeah.
Tara Bansal: We are almost out of time. Real quick, do you have any words of wisdom around transformation
Trish Ryan: you'd
Tara Bansal: like to
Trish Ryan: share? I mean, I don't think you need a dramatic story.
I think your story is your story. And,
like, again, you get to write it. And so it's never ending. It does. It's not ending today. Like, there's no end chapter until it's the end chapter.
And change happens in the small things. I don't think anyone has to have a dramatic moment, whether it's positive or negative, to change you. I think you have the ability to transform every day, and it can be a small transformation of just.
I want to make people smile. I want to smile today. I want to laugh as. As often as possible today.
Um, so what am I going to do to. To do that and. And think about how the small things really are changing you? Like, like my grocery story. Like,
I think when you have an outlet to think about that and to read about that, that's what's really. That was pivotable for me. Like, I now realize why the transition of, like, me not cooking and my husband cooking more.
It's not just,
I'm not cooking. I'm tired of cooking. It's. It's more emotional than that. And so that when you learn things about that, you can move from that,
and it's. And it's just beautiful. So I think transformation's an everyday thing.
There's beauty in it when you look for it.
Tina Donovan: Very nice.
Tara Bansal: Our last question is, what is something that's giving you joy right now?
Trish Ryan: I'm going to say two things if I can. One is seeing my kids be who they are,
just be themselves, be better versions of me. I look at them and I'm like, they're better than I would have ever expected.
So that. And me making myself better every day, too.
Tara Bansal: That's so great.
Trish Ryan: And being able to share that through bloom and hoping that people see that for themselves and they can see how awesome they are as well.
Tara Bansal: I love it.
Tina Donovan: Thank you so much.
Trish Ryan: You're welcome. This was great. Thank you.
Tara Bansal: This was very fun.
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Trish is finding joy in 2 things.
One is seeing her kids be who they are, just be themselves, be better versions of her. She looks at them and they're better than she would have ever expected.
And the other is Trish making herself better every day, too. And being able to share that through Bloom and hoping that people see that for themselves and they can see how awesome they are as well.
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Trish Ryan is the Founder of Bloom., a newsletter for women 50+ about friendships, family, work, getting older, and what comes next. After years focused on raising her three children, she wanted to hear how other women were finding their way through this chapter, without lists telling them what they should do. She started Bloom. to share those stories and help women feel understood, trust themselves, and find community.
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Bloom. (read and subscribe): https://www.daysendmedia.com/bloom
About Bloom.: https://www.daysendmedia.com/about