9. Creating a Theme
“Take 15 minutes of brainstorming and thinking of words or quotes or concepts or phrases that spark something in you or that you want to have help guide you through the new year. ”
Happy New Year!
In place of New Year resolutions, consider creating an annual "theme" instead.
In this episode we discuss the how and why around creating a theme in hopes of motivating others to do the same.
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[00:21] Christina Donovan: Are you between the ages of 40 and 60? Are do you feel the need for change in your life, but are not sure why or when or how? Do you feel a pressure of running out of time? Do you spend most of your time doing things that are not important to you anymore? These are all symptoms or characteristics of middlescence. And this is our podcast, messy Middlescence.
[00:48] Christina Donovan: Happy New Year.
[00:50] Tara Bansal: After a few weeks off for the.
[00:51] Christina Donovan: Holidays, we are back today to discuss the idea of an annual theme as an alternative to, or possibly in addition to, typical New Year's resolutions. For those of us knee deep in middle essence, there is a lot of change going on. The idea of an annual theme can help remind us as to what we want to focus on amidst all the change and perhaps be a more gentle process in helping us with goals for the new year. We hope our discussion on an annual theme helps to inspire you to reevaluate the idea of New Year's resolutions. Especially you've already broken yours and create your own theme for the year.
[01:35] Tara Bansal: Hello. Hello, this is Tara Bansal. I'm here with my sister, Christina Donovan, and today on messy Middlessence we are going to talk about creating a theme for the year. This is something I've done, I don't even know, probably decades now. I started doing it when I lived out in San Francisco, when I was going to life coaching school and Laura Berkeley was a life coach who introduced me to this. What I like about doing a theme is there's no failing for so many people. They do New Year's resolutions and the data says, I think 80% have already stopped doing it by the end of January. So I like having a theme and I view it more as an. What? Like a spotlight or something to help guide you and remind you as you're going through the year. Tina, have you ever done the theme? I know you've heard me talk about.
[02:57] Christina Donovan: It, not as formally as you have, but I really do love the idea. I think starting a new year, there's that impulse to do a resolutions. I think that's a very normal human thing, that most people want to use the opportunity to enact some type of change or improvement, and I think that's really natural. But I agree. I think resolutions are just, they're hard. And I think, especially in January, you're coming off of the holidays and I know where we live, it's cold, you're inside. I don't know. I feel like January is a hard month to begin with and then to kind of put all these. Sometimes there are restrictions whether it's with diet or try new exercise, I think that mentally, it's just a really tough thing. But I do think there's also this need to do something. And that's where I love the idea of your theme and the no failing and kind of spotlight or focus on. I think all of those things just are. It's so much better and so much healthier and so much more practical.
[04:12] Tara Bansal: Yeah. I don't know. I do feel like I love the idea of a clean slate for some reason. That's just something that has always appealed to me. And yet, as you said, I think January is hard after the holidays. I feel like all the excitement and yes, December is stressful, but I also feel this, I don't know, pressure of wanting to get off to a good start. And I don't even like that pressure, but I'm just acknowledging, yeah, I think.
[04:53] Christina Donovan: It'S a very human, natural. I mean, I don't know if it's.
[04:55] Tara Bansal: Society or if it's just like our family.
[04:59] Christina Donovan: No, because I think it's everybody. I don't know. When you're on New Year's Eve party, I think that's like, what are your New Year's resolutions? I mean, most people, even if they don't formally write things down, I think most people are thinking things in their head on changes or improvements. But I've never done anything as formal as you have. I mean, one of the things I wondered is if you can talk about your process in kind of creating a theme and how you go about it.
[05:33] Tara Bansal: Definitely. I think the first part, as you said, I think people do it informally, but almost to try to formalize it. So set aside some time where you say, I'm going to spend the next. It doesn't even have to be that long. I feel like 15 minutes of brainstorming and thinking of words or quotes or concepts or phrases that spark something in you or that you want to have help guide you through the new year. You don't really want it to be specific or too specific. Like, I want to lose ten pounds. It could be something around health, so it's more an intangible, like a feeling or a value or. For me, I was journaling and I was brainstorming, and some of mine that I wrote down were like, to sing or to shine outside. Simplify, align. Just try new things, change writing, community, love, grow, breathe, being and not doing. So just start with brainstorming words that are positive and things you want is part of it, not something you don't want. That's step one. Just take ten or 15 minutes and brainstorm and then give yourself some time. It can be a day, it could be a week. I think part of this is not to push it and see what appears and manifests. I know some years I haven't come up with my theme until almost middle of February, and to give yourself that time and grace of wanting it to be the right thing. And I'll also call myself out. Like, I've created themes that I didn't keep front and center and forgot about what my theme was for the year, and I had to go back and look it up. But play with it, and you can change your theme. You can come up with an idea, and then maybe you'll see a quote or hear a song that really incorporates more of what you want your theme to be. And then to me, the next part is, like, put it somewhere or post it. I like having it written somewhere. Like, I have a board next to my computer here that will help remind. Yeah. Does that help teen? Yeah.
[08:42] Christina Donovan: I mean, I love how the idea is to focus on positives instead of things that you want instead of necessarily things that you feel like you have to do or change or you're unhappy with. So I really like kind of how you put the emphasis on that. And I also like the idea that there's no time frame that, I don't know, I feel like our society, it's always like, you have to have it done by this date. This date, this date. But something like this. Yeah. Let's kind of recover from the holidays and ease into it a little bit.
[09:21] Tara Bansal: And to that, try different ones on for one week. Think about, okay, maybe it would be something about letting myself shine. And that's like, I went back and looked at my different themes over the years. Yeah.
[09:38] Christina Donovan: I wondered if maybe you could talk about some of your different.
[09:41] Tara Bansal: Yeah. I mean, there's definitely patterns that you can tell, I don't know, more of what I want and what I struggle with. 2018, my theme was less is more. This is something I keep focusing on, of trying to simplify, and it's still, what's going on for me now is what can I let go of, both physically and mentally and emotionally. So that was my theme for 2018. I don't know. One of my very first ones was the year of new beginnings, and it came from the statue you gave me, Tina, and it makes me even teary to think about it. Right after my divorce. Yeah. And you came out to visit me in San Francisco, and you gave me this little statue. And that was my theme for that year. And it was a year of a huge change. Moved out to New Jersey. I started a new job. I started dating nimit. And I like that of just the intention, the symbol.
[11:15] Christina Donovan: Yeah.
[11:17] Tara Bansal: So that's the other, is it can come from anywhere. Anywhere, yeah. Like a book or an article or a song or a piece of art, or in this instant, like a little statue. Another one was dare to love, like with capital love and an exclamation point. And that was, I think, after my divorce, to give myself permission to look for. And I think of it also as if it's not a hell yes, then it should be a no. Like to really listen to yourself and go for the things that really make you happy. Another one, which is kind of similar, but was like something around joy and looking for joy and noticing joy and what brings me joy. Another one. I feel like as I've gone on, I've gone to more just words. One year was the year of creating and focusing on being more creative and trying to create the life more of what I want. And in 2022, my theme was connecting. And I really was intentional about trying to connect with people. Like, listen well when I'm with people and connect with my friends who live far away or family members that are far away. And you can apply the connecting in multiple ways, too. Right. Like at work and spiritually. So that was my theme last year, and I feel like it was pretty successful. I had a more intentional action around it, but I liked just having that word and a focus over how I want. Yeah. So that's the way I view it, is a little bit of a focus to bring out the best in you and more of who you either are.
[13:43] Christina Donovan: Or want to be. Yeah, I know you said that you had a theme that didn't work and you didn't remember, so maybe you don't remember it now, but can you talk about maybe a theme that didn't work for you?
[13:57] Tara Bansal: Well, I'd have to go back. I wonder if I can pull it up now. But I didn't keep it front and center was the biggest thing. And I do keep a blog, and so I do post what my theme was, but then I forgot about it. I think the main part was I didn't keep it front and center.
[14:35] Christina Donovan: But.
[14:35] Tara Bansal: It obviously wasn't powerful enough if I did forget about it, too. Like I said, sometimes it takes me a while to come up with what feels right for me in choosing a theme, and it can take weeks, and that's okay. I feel like that's totally fine. Just not judging that. Do you have a theme yet for this year? Like I said, I just read you some of my brainstorm words, but I'm pretty sure my theme for this year, I think is going to be just being. And that was one of the brainstormed words, but it goes to who do I want to be and how do I want to show up, and also to not doing. To be present and hold a presence that feels good for myself and for others. I'm not sure I'm explaining it, but it's more about how I'm showing up than even anything else. And to slow down around. We're all human beings instead of human doings.
[16:15] Christina Donovan: And it's kind of a little bit similar to your theme last year of connecting. Yeah.
[16:23] Tara Bansal: Especially around, like, listening and being present and reaching out. It's more healing.
[16:33] Christina Donovan: Yeah. I was going to say maybe a little bit more of, like, being centered in yourself.
[16:41] Tara Bansal: And reminding myself who that is and who I want it to.
[16:47] Christina Donovan: Be and how you relate to other people.
[16:51] Tara Bansal: So I know this is maybe off the cuff, but, like, for you, what are some words that even you think you may want?
[17:01] Christina Donovan: Yeah, I mean, I've been thinking about a theme for this year because even though I say I never formally do one, just in hearing you talk about yours, it's always something that's kind of ever present in my head around this time of year. And, I mean, mine's definitely going to be around the words renovate, refresh, reinvigorate. Like this idea of.
[17:35] Tara Bansal: Renewal. Renewal.
[17:37] Christina Donovan: Or, I mean, even just restoration. Like the definition of renovate is to restore something old to a good state of repair. And I feel like I'm at a point in my life right now where a lot of things are in need of repair, whether it's some friendships and relationships or our house or some of my routines. And I worry, I guess, in listening to you talk at the beginning that mine is more focused on negative things than on positive things. So I think I might go back and kind of reevaluate that a little bit. But, yeah, I do feel like that's definitely where I'm headed for this year.
[18:31] Tara Bansal: And I would say it's more the feeling you get from it is the most important thing. So if that doesn't feel positive, then maybe consider changing it. But if it feels positive to you, it gives you the feeling that you want, then I think that's what's more important.
[18:52] Christina Donovan: I think it's more like, yes, I think I get good energy from that. Like the idea that we're going to fix things up here, whether it's.
[19:09] Tara Bansal: Physical.
[19:10] Christina Donovan: Things or emotional things. Yeah. So, yeah, that's sort of where I'm coming from.
[19:17] Tara Bansal: I have a friend who, she has done this for a while, and she told me her word for the year is proud. So it's like she wants to just be proud of herself and proud of what she's doing. And I love that, just to have that be her focus, because I think that will draw out something positive. Yeah.
[19:50] Christina Donovan: And if you look at just the three themes that we just generally talked.
[19:55] Tara Bansal: About, like pride being.
[19:59] Christina Donovan: Some type of renovation refresh, they're all so different. But I think that it kind of goes to show you the scope of how varied and possible things are within the theme versus, like, a resolution.
[20:20] Tara Bansal: And to me, it is broader, but it's also very personal because it's like, what feels right for you at this point in time. And so even though mine have similarities over the years, I think they feel different in the nuances for where I am. And just like choosing slightly different words.
[20:49] Christina Donovan: I am also thinking just how you said to put it somewhere to remind you of it. I think I may try and pull some images or some words and put them on my phone as my background. So every time I pick up my phone, I get a glimpse of a reminder or a thought or a picture of my theme.
[21:19] Tara Bansal: I love that idea. And I was even thinking. Go ahead, Tina.
[21:22] Christina Donovan: No, go ahead.
[21:23] Tara Bansal: You were thinking when you said that to have the word or phrase show up, maybe not as your background, but as the thing, the default, we're attached to our phones.
[21:39] Christina Donovan: I know when I think about. That's the thing I probably look at the most throughout the day, as unfortunate as that is.
[21:49] Tara Bansal: And. Or like your screen saver on your laptop. Yeah. It can be also as simple as a little postit near your mirror in the morning or something. Right.
[22:01] Christina Donovan: Or next to your bed, or if you journal, like on your journal.
[22:06] Tara Bansal: Yeah.
[22:07] Christina Donovan: I do think there's all different ways to do it, but that wasn't something until I heard you talk about it. I think that's a really great.
[22:18] Tara Bansal: Step.
[22:18] Christina Donovan: Or hint to do with your theme so that you can kind of keep it ever present. Do you ever do anything at the end of the year in terms of a reflection on your theme and how it worked, or you kind of get through the year and then are ready to move on to the next one?
[22:36] Tara Bansal: No, I journal about it. Probably not as formally as I could or should, but I do think of if I felt like it was a good theme and how it manifested and tried to notice those places and ways that it did some good, hopefully. And maybe even think of for going forward maybe what didn't work as well or why it maybe has changed or feels different at the end of the year. I like doing lists of my highlights of the year and our family does that. Everybody tries to give what their highlights of the year are. I think of that related to the theme and try to see how they overlap.
[23:45] Christina Donovan: I like both those things.
[23:47] Tara Bansal: Yeah. And I'm one of these people. I write down these lists and I'm not organized on how to find them, but I do like, just like we'll sit around the table and say, okay, what were our highlights? And everybody gives different highlights for the year, which I think is really nice to remind us. Yeah.
[24:12] Christina Donovan: And I think sometimes you forget things that when you hear other people talk about, you remember, oh, I did enjoy that. Or, oh, that was so much fun. Yeah, I think that's a really nice tradition your family has.
[24:29] Tara Bansal: Yeah. The one other thing I to mention, it's not exactly the theme, but I am a Gretchen Ruben fan and she does her list of 24 and 24. And this is, to me, kind of similar to more similar to resolutions, but it's a list of just things you would like to accomplish in the year. And I did this for the first time last year. I have to search through my journal to come up with the list, but I know, like, one of them was find a breakfast I like and it took me all year, but I finally have kind of found a breakfast that I like and enjoy. Now, I like this list because it's also just like kind of, to me, little things hanging out there. Like, one of mine was to do like a girls trip. It didn't happen, but it was on the list. So it's a different kind of brainstorming, but it's also a wish list of things you would like to do in the year ahead. Yeah.
[25:48] Christina Donovan: And a wish list is, again, not to focus on the idea of failure, but it's this idea that it's a wish list. So if you don't get it, it's still a wish. You know what I mean? It doesn't necessarily mean you didn't accomplish it or didn't try and keep things positive versus we don't need more reasons to beat ourselves up.
[26:14] Tara Bansal: Yes, I agree. And that to me is part of, I think I read it on Facebook, but it was like so many resolutions are to stop doing things or to do things that we don't enjoy, like kind of to whip ourselves into shape. But to me, I like, what if we chose things that add more joy to our life, like singing or playing the guitar or. I don't know, it's something you want to have more of and focus on that instead of these other depriving ourself. Does that make sense if you could change it to be more things you want instead of things?
[27:08] Christina Donovan: Yeah, no, I saw a similar post actually on Facebook, too. I mean, it was different in the sense, like, in terms this January, in terms, know, highlighting all the things you want to change, highlight your imperfections and celebrate them. You know what I mean? Because in a lot of ways, you hit a point at an age where you're not going to change that much and certain things are just the way they're going to be. And why do you have to take a negative view on those? Like, if they're pieces of you celebrate them versus trying to change them? And I think there is a certain amount of acceptance that can happen. You know what I mean? Instead of trying to be like, I need to be smarter, faster, stronger, thinner, richer.
[28:04] Tara Bansal: Yeah. So that's the other, for me, of like, that was one of my words was outside for the year. I want to be outside more and how to incorporate that and then also to view it, like getting outside my comfort zone or meeting people outside my normal run of the mill set routine. So, yeah, I hope this gives enough information for people to try to come up with a theme of their own. I think it's fun. I'd love to hear from other people on what themes you guys come up with and any other comments? Tina?
[28:58] Christina Donovan: No, I hope this motivates people to think about it and come up with their own. And again, it doesn't have to be a huge formal process. It can be something that's entirely internal and just kind of something that keeps.
[29:16] Tara Bansal: You focused throughout the year and percolates in the background. But I do recommend trying to put it somewhere and help remind you to enjoy. All right, that's it for now. We look forward talking to you soon, and happy New Year. Happy New Year. For show notes and other information about our podcast, please go to our website, messymidalescence.com. If you enjoyed listening, please share with others and come back for more.
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